#and i was stunned by how much it felt like traditional art rather than digital

[freylaverse]

Concentrate and ask again.

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #38 | 2.27.24 ๋࣭⭑

How is it already almost March omfg.

Anyways Happy Valentine's Day month!!! This year, I was swamped with work, so I didn't get a chance to make Valentine's Day art. I did make a Valentine's piece last year though.

BUT we did have beloved @magunalafay make these Valentine's Day cards this year for the community!!! <3 If you missed it, well Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

She made these as a gift, and I love her very much. Maguna u r so talented

This month was pretty busy for me, but I'm super happy with the progress made this month ^^ I feel like I've started the year off in a pretty good groove after it being all over the place for a hot second, yay!!!

This past month, Etza and Druk's routes. With the revamped demo finishing its revisions, it left a lot more time for me to focus writing on full route development.

If you missed the announcement, I FINISHED Etza's first draft!!! YAAAYYY!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!

That means 4/6 routes are finished in terms of the base writing, which is so exciting to MEEEEE. I've always seen Etza's draft as The Milestone because with their route finished, it would mean the four Central routes are done writing. And to me, while there's a good chuck of writing left, we are nearing the end of it.

There's only two routes left and that means it's about ~100k words which is CRAZY compared to when I had ~300k to write (:cries:). Even if that sounds like a lot, once I start chipping away at those routes, that 100k goes into the "double digits" aka 90k...80k... etc. and that makes me want to pee my pants

We also finished editing Druk's route, yay!!! So we reached a lot of milestones this month ^^

We are nearing the end of the Vui background commissions. It's very bittersweet; I'm so used to mentioning him in my devlogs now </3 There's only like 3(?) more BGs left for him to make, and then all of the BGs for the game will be finished. Very Wild! I think Alaris will have 25ish BGs, and they are all Stunning.

It's been a while since I showed you all a BG, so I'll give you all a preview of one I just got in!

Isn't it cozy? Guess whose house hehe

I personally have been doing a lot of sprite work this month to finish the final art assets for the demo. I added some expressions to Druk and Aisa that I'd been procrastinating (I don't even know why I was procrastinating them). And I finally finished Mom and Kimura's updated sprites! Patreon already saw them, but I'll show the new versions here too ^^

Preview of Mom (left) and Kimura (right) updated sprites. Now everyone's sprite styles are cohesive YAY!!

Aside from sprite work, much of my "art" time has been on finishing up/putting together the last of the screens for the GUI. Specifically, I got THIS BABY up and running. She is my crowning glory.

Memory Screen to Replay Unlocked Free Time Dates

Oh my god.... You all have NO IDEA how much of a pain this was to code. There is a transparency gradient going on in the left and right B&W previews (courtesy of community programming angel feniks/shawna).

And then the effort to have the Titles and Descriptions of the Previewed Date change tilted me on Multiple Occasions. But we finally got it to work thanks to bestie @siyo-koy pointing out I just coded one stupid "if" statement wrong LJAFSLIEFJIEJ. But the effort was WORTH IT because I'm so proud of her!!! I hope you all like it too as a way to relive Free Time Dates. I had a lot of fun with the Titles and descriptions.

I also put together the Stats and Affection Screens

Preview of Personality Stats & Affection Screens

So I coded both of them a bit differently from each other. The Personality Screen shows you a breakdown of your traits so far. Think of it like a pie graph! So in the preview picture, your choices indicate you are 33% Brave, 16% Charismatic, etc. I felt like this was a more natural way to portray personality rather than how many bravery points you've collected so far!

And then for Affection, it works in a more traditional way, where it counts it based on how many you've gotten out of the total amount you can get. This way, as the story progresses, how close you are to the person reflects how much your relationship as developed!

I've also added little descriptions underneath each that change depending on the percentage. So for example, if you have gotten 82% of the affection points for Kuna'a, the description of your relationship might change as well hehe

Other than that, I've mainly focused on getting the demo together. We released the beta demo earlier this month (? LOL). And the feedback has been so kind!!

A lot of this month was spent polishing so that the demo can be ready for early access and eventually public release. I updated sprites, made sure music crossfades with each other so that transitions between soundtracks feel smoother, I added/polished all of the screens I needed to (e.g., Memory Room, Full Credits, Cleaning Music Room, Adding Stats Screens), and I FINALLY as of yesterday added the Voiced Lines!!

One thing I added in the Extended Demo that I'm really happy with is the use of Extended Pronouns (courtesy of Angel Feniks). Below is a preview of how it works now!

Preview of Extended Pronouns Function. Credit to Feniks

Basically, you can choose multiple pronouns for yourself, including custom pronouns (e.g., xe/xem, fae/faer, etc.). On top of that, you can choose how often you'd like the pronouns to alternate (e.g., every line versus every scene) and what kind of terms you'd like to be used for you (e.g., neutral vs. masculine vs. feminine)!

Overall, the demo is getting closer and closer to release!!! Early Access will hopefully be ready by the end of this week or next, so if you all would like access to it, please feel free to subscribe to my Patreon for this upcoming month! Available to Wyvern tier ($5) and up.

I didn't have any time to really play any games this month because I was drowning in work LMFAOSLJIEF. I did play the Threads of Bay demo by @lavendeerstudios and it was GORGEOUS! Very cute game with lovable characters and charming visuals. Andrew, I will have your number

Every other section was really long, so I'm going to throw it here even though it's not market research. But Intertwine recently hit 600 ratings, which is crazy. Thank you for still enjoying that game even if it's not one that is my main focus anymore. I'm really happy people still like it :on the verge of tears:

Anyways, this has been a long devlog. Here's to continuing to Ball in March. Hope you all have a great rest of your month, and I'll talk to you soon! <3

[awilddreamermain]

Hi, Chels! Congratulations!! I'm so happy for you! You deserve every follower and more! That is a threat, I'm holding everyone hostage 🔪

I would love to get a MHA matchup, I wanna see who you'd match me with! Got me so curious! SFW & NSFW if you'd be willing!

My name is Chloe but I prefer May, nicknames include May-May, Maybell or Chlo.

I'm 25, pronouns are she/he, Cancer Moon, Aries Sun and Virgo Rising. Quite the weird mash of zodiacs, huh?

My favorite colors are pink (that soft pastel kinda baby pink), red (especially blood/garnet red) and...can I add pink again? Any shade of pink this time. Bubblegum or hot pink.

Favorite AU's include A/B/O, Mafia, Historical, Fantasy and does Mythical Creatures count?

Oh...oh boy, I gotta look deep for some fun facts that aren't just...facts but I'll do my best!

1) My sneezes are so short and high pitched I go "chu".

2) I have vitiligo, makes me look like a dog because it's mostly around my mouth and my right eye so I have a spot!

3) I have atrocious balance, my knees and shins are always banged up because I cannot for the life of me walk correctly.

4) I have a stutter, on top of speaking so quickly it turns into a jumbled mess. So good luck understanding what I said because I have no idea either.

5) I have a growing unicorn plush collection. My favorite is Cupcake, one that's actually taller than I am. Big chunk.

My likes are pretty simple. Cute & soft sweaters, blankets, warm coffee and strawberry milk, pastries and the cold! Winter is my favorite season. History, particularly the Medieval and Victorian times.

My interests revolve around creativity and you could say they're my hobbies as well. Drawing in particular, I used to do digital but I'm stuck with traditional pencil and paper at the moment. I'm dipping my toes into painting and its very fun! Obviously writing and reading and if I'm not doing of those listed then I'm definitely playing video games.

Personality I might say I'm quite split down the middle. At first, to a complete stranger I might come across as cold, stoic, with a resting bitch face, that just wants to get whatever I'm outside for done so I can leave. I'd create a witty or sarcastic comeback if I was given sass by a Karen but with my speech issues? I'd be lucky to get one coherent word out at her...and spend the rest of the day fantasizing what could've happened. So I'm rather quiet, agoraphobia hits hard in large or crowded places so I'm an anxiety riddled mess on the verge of a panic attack. In private or with people that I'm comfortable with? Complete opposite. Happy, bubbly, cracking puns and jokes so get those groan worthy reactions. I try to be the "mom friend" and get over my issues if someone is having it worse, I'll march up to a counter and ask for ketchup if someone wanted it but was too scared to do it themselves. The shoulder to lean and cry on, I'm highly empathetic and understanding, compassionate at times. But I have to actively try and keep myself positive and say good things about myself because I do fall into the pit of self-loathing and hate.

For appearance I'd say I'm average height, pale with white splotches that are inching larger due to my vitiligo, chubby, ashy blonde, blue eyes, button nose. I'd say I'm decently cute? I don't know if I can rate myself.

Okay I know I said I'd be looking into Zodiac compatibility for this but— I literally just screamed internally "KIRISHIMA" when I was reading this. You two would be perfect omg. This Libra king would do anything for you. For this you're an artist and the daughter of a mafia boss :) I like to think of ship names sometimes so like, yours would either be like Eijmay or Mayjirou or Kiriloe— that last one and first are awful I know so lets go with the second? I can't write a proper stutter for the life of me so I tried to keep your dialogue to the minimum.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ Pairing: Eijirou Kirishima

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀AU: Mafia

⠀Theme Song: You're The One That I Want - Alex & Sierra

How you meet (his point of view):

⠀⠀The gallery was full of black and white suits, tight, floor length dresses with the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses meeting his ears. It was a joyous evening, celebrating the wonderful art work created by the boss's daughter. He had never met her before but he had heard whispers, all good as no one would dare slander the name of their leader's precious little girl. You were the boss's pride and joy, thus he kept you as far away from the darker side of the family business as possible.

⠀⠀Kirishima was still a new hire, a bodyguard of sorts and would consider this his first gig. He had an idea of who he was looking for as he walked further into the mass of people admiring your work but didn't expect what he would eventually come across. You were as far away from the crowd as you possibly could be, guzzling glasses of wine and over all appearing to be a deer in headlights. He couldn't fugure out for the life of him why you seemed so frightened until he watched people approach you to talk, noticing the stutter in your voice when you replied to questions and greetings,your body language telling people to stear clear of you.

⠀⠀So, he did what he was hired to do. "Kindly step away from the lady." He said with a smile, approaching with his large arms crossing over his broad chest as he towered over the guests. They looked at him as if he were a giant shark looking to devour them before scurrying away, leaving the two of you alone. He stood quietly, listening to the voices on the other side of his ear piece as his ruby eyes scanned the area around you. He made sure to not stand so close and avoided in letting his gaze wander.

⠀⠀He couldn't help but admire your skin in quick glances, finding the spot over your eye to be quite adorable. Your silky, ask blonde hair was all dolled up for the event, light make up on your face but not enough to cover the vitiligo. You were stunning and his heart hammered against his chest. So the rumors were true.

⠀⠀You thanked him, voice quiet and careful as you set down your wine glass and clasped your hands together. Out of the corner of his eye he watched you twiddle your thumbs. You didn't want to be here, did you? This obviously wasn't your idea, how could it be? A girl like you, timid as a mouse, didn't want to be surrounded by strangers. "Miss..." He began, thinking carefully because the last thing he wanted to do was piss off the boss and likely get himself killed. But this was his job wasn't it? Making sure you were happy and safe? "Would you like to leave here for a bit? We'll come back of course, but you look like you need some air."

Extra.

He ended up taking you to a drive thru restaurant and got you whatever you wanted, letting you talk about whatever you wanted or sat quietly if you chose not to talk at all If it was quiet in the suv then that was fine too, he just wanted to help you in any way he could. Eventually the silence becomes small talk and then leads to a rather deep conversation about whatever the hell was going on inside that beautiful brain of yours. Kirishima wasn't the smartest man but he wasn't stupid, he wasn't as clueless as most thought he was. You told him how your father made you do this as an attempt to get you out there, to socialize and possibly find a suitor. This was the mafia after all.

The Confession:

⠀⠀It was a tradition now, every Sunday you and Eijirou would go to your favorite café to have coffee and enjoy the early day weather before it got too hot. You sit at the same table, in the same chairs with him facing the door. You get the same drinks and food and just overall enjoy each others company. After that night at the gallery you two became fast friends, which your father obviously had to approve of but thankfully he did. Kirishima was a good man, he's trustworthy and puts you before himself.

⠀⠀The day he approached your father and asked to speak in private was the day he knew he was likely to get thrown in the deepest, darkest depths of the ocean. He has confessed his feelings for you to your old man, who listened intently with a blank face behind his desk. "Sir, I'm in love with your daughter, and with your blessing I'd like to... court her." He was utterly terrified when your father cleared his throat and sighed, shifting where he sat so he could stand and move around the desk. He reached out for a handshake which Kirishima looked up at him with a questioning look.

⠀⠀Your father gave his blessing and now... He just had to tell you, his best friend, that he loved you. God he loved you so much— "Kiri," you interrupted his thoughts, bringing him crashing back to reality," a-are you alright? You seem nervous." He swallowed hard in response but cleared his throat, taking a sip of his cappuccino.

⠀⠀"Oh yeah— definitely." He breathed with a laugh, moving a hand to the back of his neck to scratch. How was he going to say it? "So, uh—" he licked his lips, adjusting himself in his seat multiple times until he groaned and leaned forward. "Fuck, I'm just gonna say it— Maybell, I love you. I have for a long time now and I talked to your father and he said—"

⠀⠀"Said what, Eijirou?" Your eyes widened at his confession and he felt like a complete idiot. Should he had said something to you first? Was this a mistake? What if you didn't feel the same way? God his mind was going to explode—

⠀⠀"That I could... court you. With your permission." You were quick to nod and smile to his surprise, which prompted a grin if his own.

Extra.

Kirishima HAS to be facing the door in any public place you go to. I don't make the rules.

He never let's you walk close to the road, he has to be between you and it at all times when you're walking.

He oders your food and drinks for you when you can't but is there for moral support when you do. He wants you comfortable and happy. He wouldn't ever dare get in your way though, you're a lot stronger and braver than most may think you are.

The Relationship:

⠀⠀On days like this, Kirishima can't help but admire you. He catches himself staring wuite often but he just can't help it. What did he do to deserve such a beautiful partner? He looks at you and all he can think about is how much he loves you and wants to see you smile. He watched you from the kitchen island, leaning against it as you waltz around the kitchen in your pinky fuzzy slippers and one of his shirts that's much, much too big on you. He remembers your surprise when you found his clothing was actually too big on you and how happy you were.

⠀⠀"Maybell?" He hums, adjusting his stance and crossing his arms on the counter. He listened for you to him back in response, a smile on his lips. "You look so cute in my clothes.

⠀⠀You giggled, shaking your head and continued putting the dishes away until Eijirou appeared behind you, arms wrapping around your waist and his forehead coming down on your shoulder. "Need somethin' baby?" You turned your head just slightly, a brow cocked inquisitively. He squeezed you in response, swiftly lifting you and making you squeal. Thankfully you didn't have anything in your hands at the moment. He peppered kisses all over the side of your face, setting you down only to lift you again bridal style.

⠀⠀"I've got all I need right here in my arms." He chuckled and you playfully smacked his chest, letting him carry you to your shared bedroom.

Extra.

TICKLE FIGHTS.

He thinks your sneezes are the cutest thing in the world.

He loves your god awful puns, they crack him up every time.

Adores the fact you're a nurturer, especially with your friends. He thinks you'd make a great mother but if that's something you don't want he respects that.

You take care of everyone, but who takes care of you? Eijirou is always there to be your shoulder to lean and cry on, he's your sound board and is always happy to let you talk about your feelings with him. You're allowed to not be happy and bubbly all the time, he realizes how staying positive all the time can actually do more damage than goof, especially if you bottle everything up.

If on a particular day you're struggling with your speech he's happy to be your voice as well. He understands you better than anyone, even your own father.

Speaking of your father, he can't wait to make Eijirou his son-in-law! He's a good man with a good heart and treats you right, what's not to like?

He has trouble saying no to you and spoils you quite a bit.

The Fights:

...

Extra.

There's nothing, what you say goes and all he can say is "yes dear". He knows better than to argue with you, however when he's right and he knows he is, he finds a way to prove it without making you mad.

The Sex:

⠀⠀"Fuck baby—" he hissed, hands finding your hips and guiding you as you rub yourself on his cock. Your hands are on his thighs and your head is tossed back, giving him the perfect view of your tits. God he loves them, he loves the plush skin of your stomach and your thighs, your ass too, he loved seeing all of you. He was so happy that you allow him this privilege of seeing you, granted you've been dating a while now but still. Your sounds are music to his ears and all he wants is to make more, make you feel so good you're calling his name and making a mess.

He wanted— no, needed, to feel you, to feel inside your warm and wet cunt, to feel it squeeze him and milk him dry. He was quick to flip the two of you over, careful to not hurt you as he did. You gasped and giggled, reaching up to hold his face as he smiled, leaning down to capture your lips in a searing kiss. He loved your taste, he could go on and on about all the things he loved about you all day if he could. "You want it baby?" You nodded excitedly, lip caught between your teeth. He smirked and reached between the two of you, thick fingers tracing a line between your lips and slipping inside your soaked pussy.

"D-Daddy—" you whine, a slight pout on your lips as your face morphs into one of pleasure. He chuckled, pumping his fingers in and out a few times before removing them and grabbing his cock. He coated it more in your slick, guiding it between tge lips of your cunt before slowly pushing inside, groaning at how tight you are. You squeal of course, gasping for breath because Kirishima is an impressive size, you still struggled to take him sometimes but like a good girl you always managed.

"That's my good girl." He cooed, moving so his forearms were on either side of your head. He gave a couple test thrusts, waiting for you to adjust u til you nodded for him to continue.

Extra.

Terrified of activating his quirk while he's fucking you, but he keeps himself under control.

He loves his hair pulled and he loves to be bitten, he especially likes it when you scratch his back when he hits that good spot.

Eats you out for his pleasure mostly, but for yours as well. He loves when you grind on his face and moan his name when you do it. Speaking of, please sit on his face, he loves that shit. He knows how to be careful of his teeth!

If you have pets they CANNOT be in the same roon when you're doing the do, it's just weird.

He'd happily bend you over in the kitchen and do you right there. Hell, he'll fuck you anywhere you deem suitable.

He likes to do a mixture if praise and degradation with you, and edging and overstimulation is a big go-to. He just loves seeing you squirm under him, hr loves hearing you beg and say you need him.

[onestowatch]

Caity Krone Is the Songwriter Making Timeless Pop Ballads

Influenced by Laurel Canyon folk and current icons like Adele and Feist, Caity Krone is a rising songwriter with a flair for timeless pop ballads. With tracks like her first single “Thank You for the Sunday Paper” and her latest “I’ve Been Lonely,” her work is seemingly suspended above the trendy, often kitchy-ness of indie pop today. Growing up as an avid reader of poetry and short stories, Krone’s “I’ve Been Lonely,” proves her devotion to lyricism and to creating music that lasts longer than its three minutes and twenty-one seconds.

A dream-like story of what could’ve been, “I’ve Been Lonely” feels incredibly vulnerable with lines like “I’ve been underwater since we met.” Often using vivid imagery, Caity Krone’s words are clearly influenced not only by the reading she did in childhood but also by her career as a music photographer. A way to fund her own artist career, Krone has taken countless photos for up-and-coming musicians in Los Angeles, and she has used her background in photography to create stunning music videos to accompany her work, including for her most recent release “I’ve Been Lonely.”

Ones to Watch got to speak with Caity Krone to discuss her latest single, how she blends her photography with her music, and the best advice she’s been given as a songwriter.

Your latest single “I’ve Been Lonely” feels incredibly personal, could you walk me through the story your lyrics are telling?

Caity: We started I’ve Been Lonely in late 2017, and at the time it was me daydreaming about being in a relationship with this person, trying to sonically paint how it would feel to be with them. I listened to it and I felt in love, but I also felt like the weight of longing for it and how shut out I felt. I spent the following two years writing and recording, and the process made me start trusting myself and believing in the fact that I deserved something real instead of spending all my time trying to change myself into someone for the sake of someone else, and that my songs deserved someone who stood behind them rather than building her dreams around someone who didn’t want her. I felt a new sense of belief in my work, it felt like I could breathe again. When we finally recorded ‘I’ve Been Lonely’, the producer Will kind of said to me “this song needs another section, and you need to admit that this whole song is an idealization of a person rather than a relationship with them”, and I sang “I’ve been underwater since we met”, because that’s exactly how it felt.

Do the stories in your songs always draw from personal experience or are you also inspired by outside influences?

Lyrically there’s been a lot of escapism, and a lot of longing to be a part of things that I’ve idealized far past the point of reality.  I build stories from that, and sometimes try and incorporate elements of fantasy to support feelings and experiences that are very real. I’ve only recently started to write about my life and past experiences in a more straightforward way. A few weeks ago, my friend Jensen said to me, “You need to write about your life and the life that will have you, not the one that leaves you out”, and it really made an impact on the perspective of my writing.

You’ve said your love of music and songwriting was inspired by the Laurel Canyon folk scene, why have these artists been so particularly influential to you? And do you have a particular favorite artist from this scene?

The intersection of rock with traditional folk storytelling and harmony is something that I’ve always been drawn to, especially being in the concert choir in high school. Joni Mitchell and Carole King are my lodestars when it comes to the songwriting, but I also have a real soft spot for the romanticism of Graham Nash demos.

Apart from your music, you take photos for other artists. Did your background in photography impact the music video you made for “I’ve Been Lonely”?

Yes! I’ve been able to meet so many incredibly talented photographers and videographers through my work in photography, as well as learn so much about what styles would suit my music. I love the inherent character that film has, so incorporating Super8 and Camcorder footage was our way of doing that without the budget to shoot entirely on film. I love the pastels of Kodak Portra, and Ashley Kickliter brought out that dream-like quality in all of the digital footage through her color work.

You began songwriting at 15; what is the part of crafting a song that comes most naturally to you and why?

Growing up I always loved writing short stories, poetry, and persuasive essays, so the lyrics come most naturally to me. I’m learning chord theory now, and finally getting to a comfortable place playing guitar, so I’m hoping that adds some confidence to those elements of my writing process.

This is your second release in 2020, following your single “Thank You For The Sunday Paper,” can we expect more singles or a larger project coming later this year?

Both “I’ve Been Lonely” and “Thank You for the Sunday Paper” are off of the debut EP, Work of Art, that I’m releasing this summer.

What does a typical day look like in quarantine for you?

I really like the quiet of the mornings, so I try and wake up, make my breakfast and coffee, and kill an episode of Gilmore Girls. I’m re-watching it from the start. I’ve been doing a ton of walking and listening to my friends’ playlists to find new music or deep cuts from artists I already love while I walk. I’ve also been taking virtual guitar lessons, which has led to more writing than before. Trying to find the balance between evaluating the fear that is behind me not doing what I love regularly without expecting myself to be productive all the time.

Who are your Ones to Watch?

Jensen McRae and Georgia Greene - two of my favorite vocalists and storytellers in the world, who I am also so lucky to call my friends. I also have been loving Jeff Pianki (his new song Bad Timing’ is so great) and Remi Wolf (her new song Disco Man - insane)

[chrismalcolmhnd1d]

Clean White Research

The clean white brief is about taking studio portraits on a clean, white background. While studying NC5 photography last year, I was taught the best way to achieve a bright white background was to point 2 lights, left and right, angled onto the middle section of the backdrop. I adjusted the lights until they were registering F11 on the Sekonic light meter. Next, I would place my model approximately 2m in front of the backdrop (to avoid shadows from the front lighting) and set my lighting up to measure F8 under the model’s chin.

My lecturer suggested researching photographers who used this kind of set up and my findings are below.

David Bailey

David Bailey by Ben Hassett bromide print, 2014

David Bailey (1938-), Photographer and film-maker

“Graduating from being an assistant with fashion photographer John French in 1959, Bailey began the 1960s with a contract with Vogue to become the decade's iconic chronicler with two defining portrait publications David Bailey's box of pin-ups (1965) and Goodbye Baby and Amen (1969). They focussed on a new social order that evolved from the decade of change. Bailey was a leading figure in the Swinging Sixties London scene and provided some of the inspiration for the role of the photographer, played by David Hemmings, in Antonioni's cult film Blow Up (1966.) Bailey had his first Museum exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery in 1971.”

Source: https://www.npg.org.uk/collections/search/person/mp05044/david-bailey

Famous Portraits by David Bailey

Mick Jagger, 1964

Kate Moss, 2013

Damon Albarn, 2007

Source: https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/gallery/2014/feb/05/national-portrait-gallery-david-bailey

Richard Avedon

“Richard Avedon was an American fashion and portrait photographer. An obituary published in The New York Times said that "his fashion and portrait photographs helped define America's image of style, beauty and culture for the last half-century".

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Avedon

Famous Portraits by Richard Avedon

Katharine Hepburn, actor, New York, March 2, 1955

Martin Luther King, Jr. with Father and Son, 1963

Janis Joplin, singer, Port Arthur, Texas, August 28, 1969

Irving Penn

“Irving Penn (June 16, 1917 – October 7, 2009)[1] was an American photographer known for his fashion photography, portraits, and still lifes. Penn's career included work at Vogue magazine, and independent advertising work for clients including Issey Miyake and Clinique. His work has been exhibited internationally and continues to inform the art of photography.”

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irving_Penn

Marlene Dietrich, New York, 1948

Vogue cover shot, 1950

Salvador Dalí, New York, 1947

Tips from the web...

4 Tips for a Perfect White Background in High Key Photography

A guest article by Tony Northrup.

A bright, white background creates a high energy, happy, and distraction free scene, perfect for pictures of your friends and family. Known as high key photography, this technique instantly cures problems with ugly backgrounds and focuses the viewer’s attention on your subject.

Besides being a popular for portrait photographers, it’s a more modern choice, rather than traditional (ie., painted muslin). Here are my favourite tips for creating high key photos.

4 tips for perfect white backgrounds in high key photography

Tip #1 – Use a Solid White Background to Eliminate Distractions

I used a big, white piece of paper as the background for this portrait of my twin nieces because anything natural for a background would have clashed with their colourful outfits. The brightness also perfectly matches their expressions.

Tip #2 – use sunlight as your background

To create a solid white background, you need to completely overexpose your background without overexposing your subject. That means you’ll need much more light on your background than on your foreground subject; about 16 times more light (or four stops of light).

Fortunately, we all share a very powerful and free light source: the sun. For this photo of a radio talk show host and his dog, I had him kneel in my kitchen at midday when the sun was streaming through the glass doors behind him. I added three stops of exposure compensation to properly expose their faces. Because the sunlit background was much brighter than the shade in my kitchen, the camera captured it as solid white.

Tip #3 – use a flash on the background

Another easy way to create a bright background is to light it with an off camera flash. Simply move your model four to six feet away from your background and hide a flash behind your model, pointing it at the background. When you take your photo, the flash will light the background to overexpose it and make it appear completely white.

An off camera flash doesn’t have to be expensive. Any manual flash with an optical slave will work, including the $60 (US) YongNuo YN-560 that I often use. Simply turn on both the flash’s optical slave and your built-in flash. When you take a picture, your flash will trigger the off camera flash to light the background.

Tip #4 – don’t over, overexpose the background

You can overexpose a high key background too much. If you bounce too much light off your background, the backlighting will overtake your model and wash out your picture. For example, the picture on the left had too much light on the background, while the picture on the right had just the right amount.

To get a perfectly white background without washing out your picture, start your background light at its lowest power and increase it one stop at a time until the background is barely overexposed. In this video, my wife Chelsea and I show you exactly how to find the perfect flash output. Our book, Stunning Digital Photography, includes more than six hour of video integrated into the lessons, because photography is a visual art, and often it’s easier to learn by watching than reading.

Source: https://digital-photography-school.com/4-tips-perfect-white-background-high-key-photography/

Test Shoot with silhouettes and recreating lighting 

Today, we set up in the studio to capture our first test shoot for the brief. The lecturer had asked us to bring in a print out of a shot by a famous photographer on a clean white background to try and emulate the lighting and viewpoint. First we set up the backdrop and positioned two lights onto it, left and right, and metered until the left, centre and right sides were all metering at F16. We achieved this by increasing and decreasing the power of the lamps and moving them inwards or outwards until we had an even spread of light. Next we took silhouette shots to make sure the backdrop was evenly lit before we worked on the lighting on the model. The shot I decided to try and emulate was a portrait of Madonna by Herb Ritts.

I think we managed to get the correct lighting to replicate the shadows in the final shot and stood on a ladder to get the correct viewpoint.

Shoot 1 - First Attempt

I decided to ask James in the class to be my model and brought in a selection of props to see which would work best. I liked the idea of dressing him either as a hacker, using an “Anonymous” mask to show him as if he is revealing his true identity. I wanted the mood of the shot to be quite dark and mysterious so I used a single light above and slightly to the right go his head and fitted it with a snoot. I also brought in a microphone and a set of headphones as I wanted to see if I could make him into a pop star recording in the studio or maybe paying live to his audience. I think the “hacker” shot worked best so optimised this one and submitted it for a class critique the following Friday.

Contact Sheet from the session

Final shots chosen pre-optimisation

Post optimisation

Final chosen shot optimised and submitted for class critique

On the whole, the critique was quite positive, with comments such as “Love the crop”, “Good contrast” and “Love the lighting rig!” The suggestions were, “Tilt mask to show more” and “More effective without headphones?”, which I agree with as, on reflection, they detract from the mask and suggest he could be a DJ. I did further research before the second shoot and decided to drop the headphones and introduce a hoodie along with a 3″CD I wanted him to point towards the camera as if it contained important data. I also thought the highlights from the CD would work well and balance with the highlights from the mask. The film I shot for this session didn’t come out when I developed it as there was very little front lighting, suggesting the lamp hadn’t been firing, so I’ll re-shoot on film too at the next session.

Second session contact sheet 

Shot chosen to be optimised

Evaluation

I think this shot works better than the first one and optimised it using Photoshop in my Imaging class, where I created a B&W layer along with a curves layer and added the black key-line. I asked my model to pose as if asking the viewer to “shhh...”, imagining he had revealed his identity to them personally but still wished to remain “Anonymous” from all but a chosen few. I wanted to frame the shot quite closely to the subjects face and keep his eyes in the right upper third but balance that off with the mask in the bottom left lower third. I also cropped in on the mask tighter than previously as I think the shot works better if the viewer has to work out what the object is. The addition of the hoodie as a prop also lends some mystique to the image and I feel gives a better contrast to the face and makes a more flowing shape to the centre of the shot, taking the viewer’s eye from the subjects eyes down towards the mask. This shot also had the least amount of negative or white space, which I felt there was too much of in the earlier attempts. I think the key to a successful portrait is in the planning and propping of the model along with careful consideration of the framing and shapes and balance within the frame.

[idristardis]

The Writing’s On The Wall - CSLB

Summary:  Normally quiet and sleepy, Storybrooke, Maine has been going through the polar opposite of a crime wave. There hasn't been even so much as an incident of shoplifting in MONTHS. Until the day an anonymous graffiti artist starts leaving murals and street art all over prominent town buildings. Who's behind it? Why don't the townspeople want to press charges if/when the "vandal" is caught? And what does all of this have to do with Sheriff Emma Swan and local bakery owner Killian Jones?

Rating: Mild T (mainly for a little kissin’ and a little swearin’)

Word Count: 15,000 on the nose!

Possible triggers: I’m not really sure I’d consider these triggers, but this fic does contain mentions of past!Millian and past!Gremma (both in a positive light) and past!Swanfire (in a negative light), so if none of those things float your boat, I’d recommend taking a miss on this one.

Tropes: Mutual pining, friends-to-lovers, modern au (no magic), Henry-being-too-smart-and-cute-for-his-own-good, Zelena-being-Zelena, the author makes many jokes (lovingly) at Will Scarlet’s expense.

Background pairings: Snowing, Outlaw Queen, Frozen Jewel.

A/N: It’s hard to believe this day is finally here!! I felt like I ate/slept/breathed this fic for so long and then ended up having to wait the whole month of February to post, lol. Seriously, though, it’s humbling to be the “grand finale” of the CSLB, and I only hope my work lives up to the honor. This month has once again proved the depth and breadth of talent possessed by the writers and artists in the OUAT and CS fandoms. You guys all rock and should be very proud of what you’ve achieved!!

This fic was a labor of love - and it’s the longest thing that I’ve written and completed in forever - so I am extremely excited to share it with you all. I couldn’t have done it without my amazing beta, Hollie aka @the-captains-ayebrows​ who helped me refine the plot and pacing in so many ways - this story wouldn’t be half of what it is without her input - and my wonderful artist, Bianca i.e. @shipsxahoy​ who made the beautiful banner at the top of this post and a seriously awesome gifset that you can find HERE. I also want to thank the mods and the entire team at the @captainswanbigbang​ for running such a wonderful CSLB event (and for putting up with my frequent down-to-the-wire check ins and over-the-top word counts). You ladies have done a wonderful job and I’m so grateful to have been a part of it!! Now, without further ado (too late!!), The Writing’s On The Wall.

Also on AO3.

February 13th - Midday...

In retrospect, Emma thought, I really should have seen this coming.

Life in Storybrooke had been quiet – almost freakishly so – for the last few months. Not that the small, sleepy coastal Maine town she called home was normally a hotbed of criminal activity, but usually there was something going on that required her to flash her badge and threaten the local riffraff with a night in one of the cells at the sheriff’s station.

But not lately. It was mid-February and quite literally nothing arrest-worthy had happened since early December when she’d locked up Will Scarlet for attempting to steal the holiday decorations off the town common.

She knew for a fact that had been the last arrest she’d made, as Scarlet’s motives had been memorable. Apparently, he’d had some half-cocked idea of holding the decorations hostage until the mayor agreed to “ransom” them back for a hefty fee. (Emma had laughed for a solid minute when he’d explained. As if Regina would ever have gone along with that).

Since then, though - nothing. 

No bar fights, no petty theft, no DUIs, no domestic disturbances, no vandalism...not even any cats stuck in trees.

Emma’d had little to do except catch up on backlogged paperwork and finally start converting the sheriff’s department’s oldest files from hard-copy to digital.

In other words, she was bored out of her freaking mind.

Or she had been.

Because now, suddenly, the crime drought had ended rather spectacularly.

Emma had practically stumbled on the scene of the crime when she’d left the station a little before noon. She’d already been running late for Galentine’s Day lunch with Mary-Margaret - a longstanding tradition they’d kept up since meeting at the University of Southern Maine nearly ten years ago - when she’d seen it.

It had been hard - if not impossible - to miss.

“What the actual hell?!” Emma exclaimed, stopping dead in her tracks and staring at the building opposite the station. The response felt entirely appropriate when confronted with fifteen foot tall graffiti that absolutely hadn’t been there that morning. Whoever the culprit was, they were pretty talented, but also extremely brazen. They’d vandalized the brick wall of a two story office building in broad daylight, not twenty-five feet away from the sheriff’s station. Apparently, they didn’t care if they got caught, Emma mused. I mean, it’s beautiful, but that’s pretty damn cocky.

Sighing, Emma pulled out her phone to call Mary-Margaret and let her know she was going to be running even later for lunch, and that she’d explain when she got there.

All the while, her eyes barely strayed from the wall looming above her, adorned with a stunning multitude of simple (yet gorgeously painted) hearts in varying sizes and shades of pink, red, white, and purple.

(If she took a few more photos than were strictly necessary for the case file, that was her secret).

January 19th - Late Afternoon...

The bell above Second Star Bakery’s door jangled loudly, signaling that said door had been thrown open with considerable force. Though he would’ve liked to offer a sharp word to the culprit about the civilized way to enter a room, Killian kept his attention on the cupcakes he’d been in the middle of frosting, slowly looking up towards the source of the noise. The polite, “customer-service” smile on his face melted into something more genuine when he saw who his visitor was, and he approached the front of the shop with a spring in his step.

"Henry, what brings you by on a Friday? I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow afternoon for your usual visit with your Mum," he said, leaning on top of the display case nearest to the door and looking curiously at Henry Swan. The boy rocked slightly on his feet, shifting his weight side-to-side and averting his eyes when Killian’s gaze landed on him.

"I know, but I needed to talk to you about something and it couldn't wait any longer.” He was unusually fidgety. It struck Killian as odd, but before he could ask about it, Henry’d started speaking again. "Um...can you take a break for a few minutes?"

A tendril of concern tickled the back of Killian’s mind, but he tamped it down. Henry’d always been a good lad, and Killian was sure that, given a chance, he would explain what was on his mind. “Of course I can,” he nodded at Henry before pointing to the case in between them. “Now, how serious is this conversation? Does it require cupcakes, cookies, or eclairs?”

Henry shook his head, and his brow briefly furrowed in thought. “Pie,” he replied firmly after a few moments of careful consideration.

Killian arched an eyebrow. “Ah, that is serious,” he said, bending down and fetching the nearest pie out of the case. “Apple spice alright?”

Henry nodded and moved through the cafe tables dotting the bakery floor, heading for one towards the back. Leaving one of his sales associates, Wendy, in charge of things up front, Killian warmed a couple of healthy-sized slices of the pie and put them on a tray. Propping the tray on his left forearm, he steadied it with his good hand and carefully navigated between the tables. (Times like these always made him wish he had full use of his left hand, but an accident nearly seven years ago had taken his naval career - and much more - with it. He’d never regained full range of motion in his left hand, but he’d adapted to the injury - the other losses had been harder to recover from). Sliding into the chair opposite Henry, he waited while the boy dug into his pie.

And waited.

And waited.

Though he was determined to give Henry enough time to bring up whatever was on his mind, after several silent moments stretched between them, Killian couldn’t resist nudging the conversation along. “Henry...I thought you wanted to talk. Are you sure everything’s alright?”

Though his attention had been focused solely on his pie until that moment, at Killian’s question Henry sat back in his chair with a sigh. His eyes flicked up to meet Killian’s hesitantly. “If you thought that...someone liked you...like...that way...but they hadn’t really said anything, what would you do?”

Ah, Killian thought, inwardly relieved. Girl problems. This I can handle. I think.

He folded his arms on the table and leaned towards Henry, regarding him with a grin. “Well, first things first. Are the feelings mutual?”

Henry’s gaze locked on his. Killian had the distinct (and slightly unsettling) feeling the boy was trying to read him - but what exactly he was looking for, Killian wasn’t sure. He seemed to find it after a moment, nodding thoughtfully as he replied. “I think so. I mean...” He paused to take a large bite of his pie. “...I’m pretty sure.”

“Well,” Killian scratched lightly behind his ear. “I think you have to figure that out for definite before you decide how to approach this other person. It could be pretty awkward otherwise.”

Henry put down his fork and opened his mouth as if to speak before closing it again immediately - an action he repeated twice more before a look of determination crossed his features and he blurted, “okaywellhowdoyoureallyfeelaboutmymomthen?”

The tinny strains of a Mumford and Sons tune floating out from the kitchen were suddenly the loudest noises in the entire bakery.

But the only thing Killian could hear was his heartbeat skidding to a complete halt before promptly lurching into overdrive.

“Pardon?” he asked, sure he must have misheard Henry’s (admittedly rather garbled) question - yet simultaneously sure he hadn’t. “Say that again? Perhaps with breaths between the words?”

Henry slumped back in his chair. “I said how do you really feel about my mom?”

Right, so the lad did say those words. In that order. Right.

Killian took a deep breath, trying to school his features into something closer to nonchalance than panic. (He had a feeling he failed based on the way Henry was looking at him).

“Henry,” he began cautiously, “I don’t understand...I thought you were asking me about someone at school...someone who you thought fancied you.”

“Nope,” he said, shaking his head vigorously before pausing to contradict himself. “I mean, yeah, there kinda is someone I think I might like, but that’s so not the point of this conversation,” he finished before renewing his previously abandoned attack on his pie.

“Not the point...” Killian echoed faintly, scrubbing a hand over his face and back through his hair. This was, quite literally, the last thing he’d expected when he’d opened up shop in the morning. For the first time in the slightly more than three years since he’d owned the bakery, Killian was actually glad there were hardly any customers - with the wildfire nature of Storybrooke’s gossip mill, this conversation was the last thing he wanted anyone overhearing.

He can’t know, Killian thought. He can’t.

But then why bring it up? His inner voice countered in annoyingly logical fashion.

“Henry,” he tried again, “why would you ask me that?”

Henry stopped just short of rolling his eyes. “I was just doing what you said.”

That didn’t clarify anything. “What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean?” Henry asked, putting his fork down. “You said finding out if the feelings were definitely mutual was really important before figuring out how to talk to the other person. So that’s what I was doing. So,” he asked again, “how exactly do you feel about my mom?”

Killian still could not fathom that this conversation was really happening, but Henry seemed as though he could - and would - stay planted in his chair until Killian answered him, so he chose his next words carefully. “You know I care a great deal for your mother, lad. We’ve known each other for several years now - her friendship means the world to me, and I wouldn’t trade having her in my life for anything.”

Henry simply looked at him for a few moments before throwing his hands up in the air. “Friendship?! Really?! That’s what you’re going with?!”

“Aye,” he said gently. “It’s the truth, Henry.”

Now, the boy did roll his eyes. “Yeah,” he scoffed, “but not all of it...especially not when I think my mom might be in love with you.”

February 13th - Lunchtime...

“Well, whoever did this...it’s gorgeous,” Mary-Margaret mused, handing Emma her phone back after looking at the photos of the mural.

“Yeah, but...unfortunately, it’s also a crime,” Emma replied, pocketing her phone after taking one last glance at the photos. “Or it should be.”

Mary-Margaret tilted her head inquisitively. “What d’you mean?”

Emma sighed, leaning her elbows on the table and picking at her last few onion rings. “I canvassed the people who work in the building, but only a couple of the offices are actually occupied, and neither tenant was bothered by the graffiti. In fact, they really liked it.” Mary-Margaret hummed thoughtfully before Emma continued. “It’s one of the few buildings in town not owned by the immortally cranky Mr. Gold, and when I called the landlord to notify him, he’d already heard about the incident and didn’t want to press charges when and if we found the ‘artist’ in question. Said it sounded like it improved the value of his property.”

The pair sat in silence for a moment. “Well,” Mary-Margaret said eventually, “I guess that’s actually lucky for you, right?”

“How so?”

“Now that you don’t have to chase down leads on this mysterious artist-vandal, you won’t have to work late on Valentine’s Day. See? Lucky!!”

Emma chuckled and shook her head. Mary-Margaret was an eternal optimist who saw the best in everyone. Emma was convinced it was this innate decency and kindness that had led Mary-Margaret to befriend her when she was a 20 year old freshman and single mother commuting to USM’s Portland campus from some no name town an hour up the coast.

Though a junior when they’d met, Mary-Margaret had been the same age as Emma, and had slipped into her life as if she’d been there forever. The fact that Mary-Margaret had gotten a job teaching at Storybrooke Elementary after graduation, and had married Emma’s friend and co-worker David Nolan ensured she probably would be in Emma’s life for the foreseeable future. Her sunny disposition generally balanced out Emma’s more pragmatic (some would say prickly) take on things - but occasionally, they just didn’t see eye to eye, and when it came to Valentine’s Day, they couldn’t be further apart.

Of course Mary-Margaret, being so kind-hearted, would be enthusiastic about a holiday devoted to love and romance. Emma didn’t have anything against actual love and romance, but an overly commercialized holiday devoted to a sappy version of it? That she could do without. “Just because I don’t have to work late doesn’t mean I don’t have to work,” Emma replied. “It’s not that lucky.”

Mary-Margaret shrugged in response, her optimism undeterred. “Well, do you at least have any plans for tomorrow night?”

Emma narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think I like where I think you’re headed with that question.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Mary-Margaret’s eyes were wide, her tone a shade too innocent.

“Uh huh,” Emma muttered. “Sure you don’t.”

Mary-Margaret frowned briefly before finishing her coffee and putting the cup down with a sigh. “I only want you to be happy, you know that, right?”

Now it was Emma’s turn to sigh. “I’ve got a wonderful family, friends who care a frankly ridiculous amount about me,” Emma raised an eyebrow, causing Mary-Margaret to chuckle, “and an amazing kid. I am happy.”

“I do know that - and I’m glad,” Mary-Margaret said, though her words were laced with concern. “But you know that’s not the kind of happiness I’m talking about. When’s the last time you went on a date?”

“I don’t need to have romantic plans on a made up holiday in order to be happy, Mary-Margaret,” Emma said, weariness creeping into her tone. They’d had similar discussions before.

“I know you don’t have to, but-”

“Besides, I’ve had dates on and off over the past few years,” Emma cut in. “You’re really talking about more than that.”

“Yeah, I am,” Mary-Margaret conceded. She paused, her gaze flicking to Emma’s before proceeding hesitantly. “It’s been almost four years since Graham died...I’m just afraid that between dealing with losing him and the impact of your past with Neal, you’ve closed yourself off. I don’t want that for you, Emma.”

Emma didn’t really have a comeback for that. Neal had been a con and a cheat, not to mention too old for her teenage self, and the only good thing he’d brought into her life had been Henry. Her history with him featured frequently in conversations about Emma’s lackluster love-life (generally with Emma tossing a good amount of expletives in his direction), but Mary-Margaret didn’t usually bring up Graham.

Graham had been everything Neal wasn’t - kind, patient, funny, and sweet. They’d fallen into an easy relationship not long after Emma’s post-college return to Storybrooke. Under the former sheriff, Art King, they and David had been co-deputies in the Storybrooke Sheriff’s Department. Graham had charmed her effortlessly almost from the start. They’d been happy for about eighteen months, until he’d collapsed one day during his morning run - ripped away out of the blue by an undiagnosed congenital heart defect.

Emma took a deep breath and released it slowly. If she were being honest, she’d have to admit that after Graham’s death, she’d turned inward - protectively walling off her heart against further hurt. She hadn’t really had a serious relationship since - but the pain of losing Graham was only one reason.

Yeah, but you can’t exactly admit that the other major reason you’re not actively looking for something serious is that you’ve gone and developed feelings for Killian, Emma thought. At least, not without Mary-Margaret completely freaking out on you and trying to get you to actually do something about them.

“Emma?” Mary-Margaret’s soft voice broke through Emma’s internal musings and pulled her back to the present. “I’m sorry if I pushed - I just care about you and I want the best for you. Sometimes I get carried away”

“It’s alright, you didn’t,” Emma said, reaching out to squeeze Mary-Margaret’s hand. “Honest. But I’m really fine - and you have my word that I’m happy. I promise if that changes, you’ll be the first to know.”

Mary-Margaret nodded, squeezing Emma’s hand in return. “Deal.”

“As far as tomorrow, I wouldn’t have time for a date anyway. I’ve got to get Henry ready for the school dance and embarrass him by taking as many photos as humanly possible,” Emma said. “That’s all the Valentine’s excitement I need.”

Emma felt slightly guilty for not revealing she did, in fact, have plans with Killian after Henry went to the dance. It wasn’t a date, so technically she wasn’t lying, but she was aware if Mary-Margaret knew, she’d take it the wrong way. Emma just didn’t have the energy to convince her that movie night with Killian, beer, and a giant pepperoni pizza was completely and totally platonic.

(Not that she wanted it to be. But the one thing she wanted more than exploring a relationship with Killian was to not lose him from her life. Anything that had the potential to wreck their friendship - like the fact she’d been well on her way to in love with him for most of the past year - was firmly off limits).

January 19th - Late Afternoon...

Killian gaped at Henry, positive his jaw was on the floor. He tried - and failed - to form words several times before finally finding his voice.

“I’m fairly certain you’re mistaken,” he said. “Granted, your mother and I are very close, but we’re just friends.”

Henry shook his head. “C’mon, Killian. I’m twelve, not stupid - and I know what I heard.”

That got Killian’s attention. “What are you talking about?”

“It was a few weeks ago,” Henry explained. “Just before New Year’s Eve. It was late, and I was getting ready for bed, but I’d forgotten some of my school books in the kitchen. When I went downstairs to get them...I overheard my mom talking to Auntie Elsa on the phone.”

“Eavesdropping is bad form, lad,” Killian admonished.

“I know - and I didn’t mean to. But she sounded kinda sad and I wanted to make sure she was okay, so I stayed and listened for a few minutes...and she was talking about you.”

Killian’s stomach churned at the thought that something about him had upset Emma. Causing her any sorrow or discomfort was the last thing Killian wanted. Against his better judgment (this felt far too much like gossiping behind Emma’s back), Killian asked, “why was she upset?”

Henry averted his gaze for a moment before looking back at Killian. “She said something about not being able to change how she feels, but not being able to tell you the truth either...and something about not knowing what to do. Then she just said ‘yeah’ and ‘uh huh’ a lot while Auntie Elsa must have been talking.”

“You still shouldn’t have listened to your mother’s conversation, Henry,” Killian said. A headache was starting to form behind his temples. “But all I can ask is that you not do it again.” He pushed back his chair and stood up, gathering their plates and cups. “I’m afraid I have to get back to work, but you know you’re welcome anytime.”

“That’s it?!” Henry cried in disbelief, following Killian towards the counter. “You’re not going to do anything about this?!”

Kilian dumped their plates into a rubber kitchen tub earmarked for used dishware and turned to face Henry, crossing his arms over his chest. “What exactly do you want me to do? I don’t think what you heard means your mum’s in love with me. Just that there’s something she feels she can’t tell me right now.”

“Yeah,” Henry retorted, “It’s that she loves you!”

“Henry, listen-”

“I’m pretty observant,” Henry cut in, “and I know both of you look at each other differently than you do anybody else - by the way, you should know it’s really sappy - and you spend a ton of time together, and...you care about each other, like, a lot. Plus, you take care of each other all the time. You’re...you’re almost as coupley as the Nolans!” he finished triumphantly, as if that statement alone proved all of his points.

“Nobody’s as coupley as the Nolans,” Killian rebutted. “Henry...I want you to know I’ve heard you,” he said seriously, “but the friendship I have with you and your mum is precious to me...I don’t want to do anything to risk it.”

It was as close to an admission of feelings as he could bring himself to allow.

Henry shook his head,disappointment filling his gaze. “But don’t you think you’re losing out on something even more special if you don’t take the risk?”

Killian didn’t quite know what to say to that, and before he could come up with an appropriate response, the bell over the door was jingling once more, signaling Henry’s departure.

January 24th - Dinnertime…in Storybrooke, at least...

“H’lo?” the voice slurred out a greeting after the person on the other end of the phone finally picked up.

“Liam?” Killian asked, before catching sight of the clock and doing a quick mental calculation. “Ah, shit...sorry. You were already asleep, weren’t you?”

“Almost,” his brother sounded slightly more alert now. “You caught me just in the nick of time, little brother. Now, to what do I owe the honor of this late night transatlantic call?”

Killian bit back the automatic correction of younger brother that itched to leap off his tongue. He felt badly enough for not thinking about the time difference before calling - he didn’t want to get sidetracked by protesting a habit Liam was never likely to change. Besides, he really needed advice. “I need your opinion on something, Liam.”

“Must be important - I can hear the nerves in your voice from here,” his brother quipped.

Killian nodded, even though he knew Liam couldn’t see him. “Possibly the most important thing.”

“Ah,” Liam said knowingly. “Must be about Emma, then. Finally decided you want to tell her you’ve been in love with her for ages, but haven’t been able to actually do it yet?”

“How in the world did you guess that?!” he blurted, speaking over Liam’s chuckle. “Have you been talking to Henry?”

Liam was silent for a long moment before responding, a bit of hesitance in his voice. “Actually, Elsa.”

“What?!” Killian was truly boggled. “When?!”

“We’ve been in touch a bit since I visited you last year,” Liam said briskly, clearly trying to change the subject - though Killian definitely filed it away for further discussion later. “Anyway, she sees the way you two moon about over each other as clearly as I do. We’re both a bit puzzled at why it’s taken this long for one of you to do something about it.”

“We’re friends,” Killian replied instantly. “She’s...my best friend, actually.”

“I’m going to pretend that doesn’t hurt, Kil,” Liam said dryly. “But truth be told, you wound me.”

“Git,” Killian replied.

“Wanker,” Liam answered, the laughter bleeding into his voice at their habitual sparring. After a brief pause during which Killian could hear him yawn, Liam spoke again, his tone more serious. “So, she’s your best friend. How long have you known her?”

“Four years. You know that, Liam.”

“Aye. You met her even before you fully moved there...it was when when you visited for your mate-”

“Robin’s wedding, yeah,” Killian cut in, unsure of where his brother was going with his trip down memory lane.

“Right - he married that mildly terrifying woman, didn’t he?”

“Regina - though I wouldn’t let Robin hear you say that,” Killian replied, impatient for Liam to cut to the chase. “What’s your point?”

“My point, little brother, is you’ve known Emma for a very long time...and you’ve each had a rough go of it. Life dealt both of you shit hands...and what’s always struck me about you both is that neither of you have ever let anything stop you from fighting for what’s important to you. Why should it be any different now, when what you want is each other?”

“You’re so certain she feels the same way?” Killian asked, afraid to let himself hope.

Liam sighed, but when he spoke again, his tone was gentler. “Elsa didn’t betray any of Emma’s specific confidences, but given what she did say...I don’t think you have to worry...and if it’s any consolation, from what I observed of you two myself when I was there, I’d say she’s right.”

Killian exhaled slowly. “It’s a big leap to make. I haven’t felt this way about anyone since…”

“Milah,” Liam finished for him. It wasn’t a question. Killian had fallen hard for Milah Clarke when he’d only been a few years into his naval career. Losing her in a car accident not long after the incident that had crushed his hand and ended his career had sent Killian reeling and it had taken him a long time - and no small amount of help from Liam - to pull himself out of his grief and heal.

“Yeah,” Killian replied. “So you can see why I’m terrified of screwing it up. I just...what if I tell her I want to be with her, and she says no?”

“Mm,” Liam hummed in agreement. “You’re forgetting one thing, little brother.”

“What?” Killian asked, pressing the phone tighter against his ear, as if he could absorb Liam’s words through sheer force of will.

“You’re not with her now, and if you never say anything there won’t even be a chance of that changing. Be brave, Kil. It’ll be worth it.”

Valentine’s Day - Mid-morning...

KJ: Alright. Operation The Writing’s On The Wall is a go!

HS: Excellent! And Killian?

KJ: Yes?

HS: I’m glad you decided to take the risk. :)

KJ: Me too, lad. Me too.

HS: Oh, and Killian...I think I’m gonna take a risk too.

KJ: ?

HS: I’m going to ask Violet to dance tonight at the school’s Valentine thing. Wish me luck!

KJ: Best of luck, Henry.

Killian sent the final text, pocketed his phone, and picked up the first can of spray paint, ready to enact the plan he and Henry had concocted during ad hoc “strategy sessions” at the bakery. The lad had been persistent - showing up at Second Star after school every day for a week with different pieces of “evidence” supporting his case. All that, plus Liam’s recent advice, had convinced Killian to take action.

Thus, Operation The Writing’s on The Wall had been born.

(The name had been Henry’s idea).

Henry had also opened up a bit during their conversations about his blossoming affections for one of his classmates, Violet Clemens. Killian was touched Henry had turned to him for advice, though given the state of his own romantic affairs, he wasn’t sure he’d been able to help him very much.

He still wasn’t sure this wouldn’t end in spectacular disaster. Though he’d known deep down for some time that he’d been falling in love with Emma, because of past hurts he’d been afraid to explore it. But he’d come to realize Henry and Liam were right, he couldn’t keep holding back the truth. No matter how this turned out, he had to at least try to tell her. He didn’t know if this was the best way, but Henry had convinced him if Emma were going to take his declaration seriously, he needed to get her attention in a big way.

When did I start taking romantic advice from a pre-teen? He thought with a shake of his head. Contemplating the stretch of blank wall in front of him he hefted the can, adjusting it slightly to get a better grip with his good hand. No matter. In for a penny, in for a pound…

He raised his arm and took a deep breath. As he exhaled, he let the paint fly in graceful arcs across the brick, nearly closing his eyes as he lost himself in the rhythm of the work.

If this works, it’ll all be worth it... 

Valentine’s Day - at night…

Emma shifted from foot to foot, cradling a warm pizza box in her arms and waiting impatiently for Killian to respond to her fervent knocking. After another moment or two had passed without any sign of him coming to let her in, she reached up and thumped on the door again. “C’mon, Jones!” she shouted for good measure. “The pizza’s getting cold...and so am I!!”

Finally, she heard shuffling footsteps coming down the hallway and the door to his seaside cottage swung slowly open. Killian grinned at her. “Evening, Swan. Patient as ever, I see.”

“Uggh,” she groaned, pushing past him with a good-natured bump of her shoulder against his. “I was freezing my ass off out there. Quite literally.”

He chuckled as he closed the door behind her. “Now, that would be a shame, it’s true.”

Her stomach swooped and she felt herself flush a little - to hide her reaction to his teasing, she turned and put the pizza box down on the kitchen island. Arching a brow at him. “I’d think you’d have a little more sympathy, especially considering I brought you pizza. Instead, you’re mocking me for falling prey to the vagaries of Maine winter weather.”

“Vagaries?” Killian asked, quirking his own eyebrow at her, he moved to the cabinet to get them plates. “Interesting word choice.”

She shrugged. “Hey, I do listen when you fancy-talk. Sometimes.”

He snorted and set the plates down next to the pizza. “How kind of you.”

“You know I try,” she said with a laugh before walking back to the entryway to hang up her coat. She paused as she passed back through the open plan living area, taking a moment to soak up the room’s coziness. It was one of Emma’s favorite places. An inviting, squishy-soft sofa faced a series of built in shelves crammed with books, knickknacks, and photos. The shelves flanked a squat fireplace lit with a warmly crackling fire. Killian’s television sat in one corner, and an armchair that matched the sofa was in another. Above the mantel hung a beautiful seascape that had been painted by Killian’s late mother, Alice.

(Apparently, Killian had taken after his mother artistically - though he’d long denied it, saying his talent never amounted to more than “doodling.” It frustrated Emma greatly that he’d never shown her much of his work).

When she returned to the kitchen, Killian had slipped two slices onto each of their plates and was rummaging around in his fridge for their beers. “So...what are we watching tonight?”

Killian handed her the plates, tucked a roll of paper towel under his left arm, and picked up the beers with his good hand, nodding in the direction of his television. “You can look over the selection yourself,” he murmured. “I had a bit of trouble deciding.”

“Really?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder at him as she moved to sit. “That’s not like you.”

He chuckled softly as he followed her and sat down on the other end of the sofa. “Yes, well,” he said, trading her one of the beer bottles for one of the plates of pizza. “Your list of off-limits movies was rather lengthy.”

She rolled her eyes. “I just didn’t want to be hit over the head for two hours with soppy romantic cliches. I get enough of those when I do movie night with Mary-Margaret. I’ve hit my quota for the year already, I think.”

“That is impressive, seeing as we’re only halfway through February,” he grinned, before taking a pull from his beer.

“Mm, well that’s Mary-Margaret for ya,” Emma concurred, leaning forward to look at the DVDs spread over the surface of the coffee table. There were action movies, a couple of selections from Marvel, and - predictably, where Killian was concerned - Star Wars. But a DVD set slightly apart from the others caught her eye. She grinned. Perfect. “Hmmm...how about that one?”

Killian nodded and got up to put Garden State in the player. They fell into a comfortable silence for a while, enjoying their pizza and beer, sometimes watching the movie and sometimes ignoring it in favor of trading their more colorful stories from the past week. (When Emma recounted the tale of her mysterious and artistic vandal, an odd expression flashed over Killian’s face, but it was gone and he was telling her about one of his amusing regulars at the bakery before she could process what had happened).

Around the point in the film when Zach Braff and Natalie Portman were standing on top of construction equipment at the bottom of a quarry and screaming their heads off, Killian glanced over at her, a soft smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “How’d it go...getting Henry ready for the dance?”

She sighed and rolled her head to the side so she could look at him without sitting up from where she was slumped into the couch. He was closer than he’d been before - the two of them had gravitated into each other bit by bit during the course of the film. “You just had to bring that up, didn’t you? Part of the point of this movie night was to help me forget that for a while.”

He chuckled, shifting closer as he spoke. “C’mon now, Swan. Surely it couldn’t have been that bad.” He nudged her shoulder gently with his own. “It must have been at least a little bit exciting.”

Emma didn’t answer immediately, staring at the television without really seeing it. Finally, she nodded, albeit reluctantly. “It was...a bit...but also kinda terrifying...realizing he’s old enough to be excited about going to school dances.” She let herself lean further into Killian, dropping her head on his shoulder. Normally, she’d hold herself back more - casually touching him made her want things she was sure she couldn’t have, and she usually made sure to only do it in the smallest of doses - but tonight she just needed the comfort of his solid presence. “Is it horribly cliched if I say it felt like he was a toddler just a few days ago?”

“Not at all, Swan,” he murmured, curling his arm around her shoulders and pulling her further into his side. This is comfortable, she thought to herself. Dangerously so. But she couldn’t bring herself to pull away, soaking up Killian’s warmth as he continued. “It’s only natural you’d feel that way since the lad’s started showing an interest in dating and-”

She jerked upright, the motion causing his arm to fall away from her. But the flicker of regret she felt at that was mixed with a much larger dose of astonishment. “Dating? Who said anything about Henry dating?! Do you know something I don’t know? Killian, has he told you he likes someone?! Who?”

The apples of Killian’s cheeks flushed ever-so-slightly pink, which Emma secretly found adorable - but she pushed down the flip-flopping sensation in her stomach and waited him out. She needed answers about Henry too badly to think about how Killian somehow became even more handsome when he was flustered.

Finally, he spoke, tilting his head down and glancing up at her from under a slightly furrowed brow. “The lad...err...he does talk to me from time to time, Swan. Without betraying his trust, I can say there are...things...of a slightly romantic nature...that an almost-teenage boy doesn’t exactly want to share with his mother,” he said softly, reaching out to rest his left hand gently on her knee, “no matter how close the two of you may be.”

Emma considered that for a moment, swallowing down the nervous flutter caused partly by the thought of Henry taking his first steps (however tentative) into the world of dating, and partly by Killian’s proximity. She must have been lost in her thoughts for longer than she’d realized, because Killian had started speaking again, this time rather hesitantly.

“I...I do hope it’s alright he came to me Emma. You know I would have shared it with you - or urged Henry to do so himself - if I thought it were anything for you to be worried about. I hope I haven’t overstep-”

“No!” she cut him off, dropping her hand on top of his and interlacing their fingers. His eyes followed her action, seemingly transfixed by the way she’d reached for his injured hand without a second thought. “You didn’t - not at all. Killian,” she paused, waiting for him to look up at her before continuing. “I’m glad he feels he can talk to you about things like that...you have to know, I’m so glad he has you.”

“He does,” Killian agreed earnestly, his gaze never leaving hers. “You both do.”

Emma’s pulse picked up as the air around them thickened and grew warmer. Her mouth was suddenly dry and nothing could have torn her gaze away from Killian in that moment. For his part, he seemed equally transfixed, his eyes finally breaking from hers to flick down to her lips. Is he getting closer or is that me? Emma wondered. Maybe it’s both of us. Killian opened his mouth to speak again - to say what, she didn’t know - when suddenly her phone started ringing.

Craaaaaaaap.

-/-

Killian watched as Emma leapt off the couch, struggling to yank her phone out of her pocket before the caller hung up. She managed to answer it just in time, mouthing sorry at him before disappearing into his kitchen to take the call.

He flopped into the cushions with a sigh before scrubbing his hand through his hair. How the bloody hell did that happen?! One minute they’d been having a totally normal movie night, and the next they were bang in the middle of what had felt like some sort of relationship changing moment. Almost. The truly boggling thing was that they had reached that point, but not at all in the way Killian had anticipated.

Of course, if you’d gotten over your own nerves and eased into declaring your feelings the way you’d planned, things might have been very different right about now...one way or another.

Glancing over the back of the couch, Killian could see Emma pacing around the kitchen with increasing speed, her phone still glued to her ear. She was gesturing emphatically with her free hand, the tone of her voice rising in pitch. Though he couldn’t really make out what she was saying, he had no trouble catching it when she semi-growled “are you fucking kidding me, David?!”

Killian wasn’t sure whether he was grateful or disappointed that it seemed their evening were coming to an abrupt and unexpected end. The ache of his as-yet unconfessed feelings mingled unpleasantly with relief that he hadn’t done something to utterly screw up their friendship.

“Hey, I’m so sorry, but I’ve gotta run,” Emma said, striding back into the living area, her words pulling him from his reverie. “You would not believe what I’m going to have to go deal with.”

Killian got to his feet, following her towards the entryway. He leaned against the wall, watching her bundle herself back into her coat. “Scarlet?” he guessed. She nodded. “What’s he done now, then?”

She whirled to face him, her expression a picture of exasperation. “Disturbed the peace, for one. He had the oh-so-brilliant idea that serenading his ex on Valentine’s Day would be the best way to get her back. It seems that neither she, or her new girlfriend, agreed.”

“Oh dear,” Killian said with feigned sympathy, his eyebrow quirking up. “That is unfortunate.”

“Yeah,” Emma grumbled. “Ana’s neighbors didn’t take too kindly to it either, as he decided he was going to stand under her window and belt out love songs for half an hour. David’s still on scene taking statements. I get the fun job of picking Scarlet up at the hospital and arresting him once they’re done treating him.”

“What?”

“Oh, yeah...the best part is I’m also going to have to charge him with public indecency. He decided the perfect way to carry out his plan was dressed as Cupid.”

“In Maine? In February?!” Killian asked incredulously. “What was he thinking?!”

Emma shoved her beanie back down over her curls. “Who the hell knows what, or if, he’s ever thinking. Apparently, his...loincloth or whatever...was very, um, skimpy. David mentioned they’re worried about frostbite.”

“Jesus,” Killian muttered, “I actually almost feel sorry for him.”

“Yeah,” Emma nodded. “I guess his heart was in the right place...but some guys are just not cut out for grand romantic gestures. Anyway,” she looked up at him, her gaze unmistakably tinged with regret, “I’m sorry I’ve gotta cut our movie night short, especially for this nonsense...but I’d better get a move on.”

“Don’t worry about it, Swan,” he said. “I understand - duty calls. Maybe we can get lunch this week.”

“I’d like that,” she said with a soft smile before turning to leave, her reluctance to go sparking a fresh wave of hope that perhaps he wasn’t alone in his feelings.

He shivered in the burst of cold air that swept in when she opened the door, watching her go and raising a hand to wave as she jogged down the walkway towards her car.

As the door swung shut, he leaned against it, his head falling against the wood with a thunk. He scrubbed a hand over his face and back into his hair, sighing heavily.

The plan - at least this part of it - had been simple. Movie night with Emma had already been on tap before he and Henry had concocted their “operation.” Whereas Henry had argued for boldly taking romantic action, Killian had thought highlighting the familiar would be comforting - he’d theorized it would put Emma at ease.

So this had been the compromise - dramatic romantic graffiti to get her attention, and then a quiet night in where he’d reveal that he was the artist and then tell her he was more than halfway to being in love with her. Simple, right? It had proved to be anything but. He sighed again and pushed himself off the door when something Emma had said suddenly struck him. A grin spread across his face, a new version of the plan beginning to take form in his mind.

Scarlet might not be able to pull off a grand romantic gesture...but I certainly can.

February 22 - Mid-Afternoon…

“I take it you know Kristoff finally proposed?” Elsa asked, her expression discernibly wry even through their less-than-stellar Skype connection.

“Um, yeah,” Emma laughed. “If the approximately thirty texts Anna sent me over the past week hadn’t given it away, Ingrid came around the other day to share the news.”

“And to gently probe about your own love life, right?” Elsa arched a knowing eyebrow.

“Let me guess, she called you?” It wasn’t really a question. Emma knew her adoptive mother well, and she’d been expecting her visit from the moment Anna had sent her first exclamation point riddled text. It wasn’t hard to fathom Ingrid would have contacted Elsa too.

When she’d been bouncing her way through the foster system as a kid, Emma hadn’t imagined someone like Ingrid Fisher - a fierce and protective foster mother who hadn’t given up on her even when she’d run away, met Neal, and come back to Storybrooke pregnant and alone. Ingrid had adopted Emma as well as Elsa and Anna (her two orphaned nieces) and had never looked back. It hadn’t always been easy, but eventually the four of them had become the family Emma’d never dared to let herself dream of - something she was grateful for every day.

“Yup,” Elsa confirmed with a sigh. “She was fairly disappointed to hear that work’s been keeping me so busy lately. She hid it pretty well, though. I’ll give her credit.”

“Mm,” Emma hummed in agreement. “I got pretty much the same reaction when I told her I’m more focused on figuring out Henry’s love life than my own right now.”

Elsa laughed before catching herself. “Wait a minute, are you serious? Henry has a love life? When did that happen?”

“I’m not really sure,” Emma’s brow furrowed, and she reached for the cup of cocoa sitting on the kitchen table. “He hasn’t really said too much to me about it - I only found out because Killian spilled the beans when I was over at his place last week.” She took a sip of cocoa. “Apparently, Henry’s been talking to him about someone at school that he likes, and he came home from the Valentine’s dance with a goofy grin and a friendship bracelet I’ve never seen before. I’ve tried to give him his space, but…”

“I’m sure he’ll tell you more when he’s ready, Em,” Elsa reassured. “You know you’ve got a good kid there.”

“A great one,” Emma agreed. “I just...I don’t want to pull an Ingrid on him, but...I guess I’m understanding how she feels a bit more. It’s tough when your kid gets their first real crush - he’s growing up faster than I can deal with.”

Elsa looked at her sympathetically for a moment. “If anyone can make it through the terrible tween years, it’s going to be you and Henry, Emma.”

“I know. I do. Really.” She smiled at her adoptive sister gratefully. She was still a bit rattled by Henry’s burgeoning romance and the fact he didn’t seem to want to share too much about it with her, but talking with Elsa always had a way of calming her down and making her see things more clearly. “Anyway...I know you must want to hear about all the crazy things you’ve missed out on here this past week.”

Elsa laughed. “True. I know that Anna’s engagement can’t have been the only big news. I need my weekly dose of Storybrooke gossip.”

Emma spent the next forty-five minutes filling Elsa in on the happenings of their small hometown, and listening as Elsa related the news of her week in Boston. She missed her sister deeply, but was so proud of her for pursuing her legal career even though it had taken her away from home. Weekly phone or video calls were their way of staying close even when they couldn’t be in the same space and Emma cherished them.

She was just wrapping up telling Elsa about the absolute insanity that was the ongoing Will Scarlet saga when a thoughtful expression crossed Elsa’s face. “What’s that look for?”

Elsa hesitated, then looked directly at Emma, her gaze piercing even through the computer screen. “You said earlier you were at Killian’s last week, and you just mentioned you were at his place when you had to go take care of Scarlet. Did you and Killian spend Valentine’s Day together?”

“Oh,” Emma was caught short, not having expected that. “Um...kind of.”

“Kind of? What exactly does that mean, Emma?”

“You sound like Ingrid,” Emma grumbled, putting her now nearly empty mug down and crossing her arms over her stomach.

“Emma,” Elsa chided, leveling her with a look that demanded answers more effectively than anything she could have said.

“It was a movie night. Just like every movie night we’ve ever had since we’ve been friends. Nothing else,” she replied, though she couldn’t meet Elsa’s eyes.

“Huh,” Elsa responded. “Then why are you blushing and not able to look at me?”

“Jeez! Are you this persistent in court?” Emma muttered.

“Yes,” Elsa replied calmly. “Especially when I know I’m on to something. ”

“Oh my God, El!” Emma exclaimed, finally locking eyes with her. “It was a normal movie night - it was,” she reiterated at Elsa’s skeptical look, “but then...it got a little weird.”

“In what way?”

Emma shrugged. “We started talking about Henry...that’s when I found out he’s been talking to Killian about dating...and things got a little...emotional. Killian said something about always being there for both of us and...wealmostkissed,” she finished, speeding through the last few words before she chickened out.

Elsa looked thoughtful, but not surprised. “Don’t you think this invalidates your argument?”

“Huh?” She stared at her sister in confusion.

“What we were talking about at New Year’s,” Elsa said matter-of-factly. “When you claimed you couldn’t tell Killian you were in love with him because he absolutely and positively only saw you as a good friend. Seems like that’s not so much the case, is it? I mean,” she continued, “he was about to kiss you too, right?”

Emma nodded weakly. “Yeah,” she murmured.

“Oh, Emma,” Elsa sighed ”I hate to see you so twisted up about this. You’ve got to tell Killian how you feel.”

The two women simply stared at each other for a moment, Emma spoke. “What if I’m wrong though?” she asked quietly. “Or what if he does want something more too, but it doesn’t work out? He’s one of my best friends. I can’t lose him,” she finished, emotion rendering her voice little more than a whisper.

Elsa regarded Emma candidly. “First, anybody who sees the two of you together can tell how much you care about each other. When I was back home for Christmas the amount of heart eyes the two of you were making at each other was off the charts. Plus, you spent most of Ruby’s Christmas party glued to each other’s sides.” Elsa chuckled. “You’re almost more coupley than David and Mary-Margaret.”

“No one is more coupley than David and Mary-Margaret,” Emma shot back instinctively, a hint of a smile finally breaking through the tension that gripped her.

“That may be true,” Elsa conceded, “but the two of you looked pretty darn together for people who aren’t actually dating. Liam agrees with me, by the way,” she finished before her eyes widened and she clapped her hand over her mouth.

“Oh he does, does he?” Emma queried, noting that Elsa suddenly looked like she wanted to slide off her chair and out of sight. “Just how long have you two been comparing notes?”

Elsa straightened, shaking her head firmly. “Oh no...no deflecting. This is not about me.”

“Hm, countering my deflecting with evasion,” Emma mused. “That means it’s been at least a few months. Oh!” she brightened, a thought striking her. “I bet it’s been since his last visit here - you were home then for Ingrid’s birthday. Is he the real reason you’ve not had time for dating lately?”

“Emma!” Elsa said sharply, a pink blush staining her normally pale cheeks. “I will tell you all about it. Later. I promise. Right now, this is about you, and you have to remember a couple of important things.”

“I’m listening,” she murmured.

“As you yourself said, Killian is one of your best friends...and he’s Killian. Do you really think if you tried being together and - for whatever inconceivable reason - it didn’t work out, he’d just cut you out of his life? You know him better than that, Emma. That man is as loyal as they come.”

Emma pondered her sister’s words. Elsa did have a point - Killian wasn’t the sort of person who would just cut her, or Henry, out of his life if a romantic relationship between them flamed out. She thought back over their friendship - meeting him four years ago when he’d flown over for Regina’s wedding to a childhood friend of his, and re-meeting him when he’d moved back to Storybrooke to start his bakery. Graham had died in the year in between the first and second times she’d met Killian, turning Emma’s life upside down.

But Killian had been just who she’d so desperately needed back then - her other friends had all been too concerned, too worried, too much. Killian hadn’t been a total stranger, but he’d been enough of an unknown quantity that being around him had been peaceful, a way of escaping the sometimes smothering shared history she had with all the people in her life who’d known and loved Graham too. Killian had slowly revealed his own hurts and losses, and his reasons for wanting a fresh start in a fresh country. Gradually their friendship had deepened, taking on a life of its own beyond comparing the battle wounds life had given them. He’d become her rock - and over this last year, she’d realized friendship just wasn’t enough to encompass everything he meant to her. She knew it was a cliche, but she’d gone and fallen into the deep end of love with her best friend.

Cautiously, she nodded. “You may have a point,” she acknowledged. “You said there were a couple of things, though. What was the other one?”

“You already love him, Em. You’ve admitted as much to me a few different times. Those feelings haven’t gone away, have they?”

Emma shook her head. “You know they haven’t.”

“Exactly. So things between you are already different because you have made that leap - in your heart, at least. You can’t unfeel what you feel...If you tell him, either you’ll be able to work through it and let it go, or the more likely thing will happen.”

“Which is?”

“You’ll be ridiculously and disgustingly happy together and unseat the Nolans for the Cutest Couple in Storybrooke title,” Elsa finished triumphantly.

Emma rolled her eyes, but her smile grew. “That is not possible. They’ve reigned for too long. Buuuuut...I think you’re right about the rest of it.”

“I know I am.”

Emma hesitated for a moment. “I’m scared, El.”

“Of what, exactly?” her sister asked, patience coloring her tone.

Emma had the feeling Elsa knew what she was going to say, but Emma forced herself to speak anyway. “I can’t lose him the way I lost Graham.”

Elsa was silent for a few moments. When she finally spoke her tone was serious, and her question, once again, was unexpected. “Do you regret being with Graham?”

“No!” Emma’s responded instantly. “But losing him was horrible and Killian...I know it’s not fair to compare them...but he means even more to me. I don’t know how I’d cope if we were together and he…”

Elsa nodded. “If you’d known what was going to happen, would you still have gotten involved with Graham?”

Emma sighed. “Of course. I’d never trade the time we had together.”

“I thought you’d say that,” Elsa said, her tone slightly smug. “So why wouldn’t that be true for you and Killian too?” Emma looked up to find her sister smiling at her through the screen. “The prosecution rests,” she said with a grin.

“Very clever, counselor,” Emma said with begrudging admiration.

“Thank you. Now, what are you going to do about Killian?”

Emma sighed again. “I don’t know. I’ve got to think of the right way to bring it up.”

“Well, personally I’d suggest blurting it at him and then tackle-kissing him,” Elsa teased.

Emma laughed, the tension starting to leave her body. “Just because that worked for Anna and Kristoff, doesn’t mean it’s going to work for me.”

“I know,” Elsa replied. “But whatever you decide to do...don’t wait too long. For both your sakes.”

February 23 - Early morning…

Emma left the house feeling upbeat, her conversation with Elsa the day before having instilled a new sense of determination in her to finally, finally talk to Killian about her feelings.

That determination lasted all of twenty minutes, and fizzled out abruptly when she approached Second Star after dropping Henry off at school. She’d planned on walking right into the bakery, grabbing her usual order, and confidently asking Killian if he wanted to get dinner that evening - somewhere other than Granny’s. Then at dinner she would tell him - she’d spent a lot of time the night before figuring out the best way to ease into it - and hope that Elsa was right and it wouldn’t ruin their friendship.

But as she walked up to the bakery, admiring the way the warm light from inside spilled out its wide front windows into the gray wintry bleakness of the overcast day, her steps slowed and then stopped.

What if Elsa’s wrong? It’s not like this is a gigantic town - we won’t be able to avoid each other...maybe this is a mistake. Being friends is good. It’s enough.

Except the moment she spotted Killian through the windows, emerging from the back room with a tray of freshly baked muffins, the warmth that shot through her system and the fluttering feeling that burst to life in her belly proved her a liar.

You can do this, Emma.

With that final internal pep talk, she closed the remaining distance to the bakery and pushed inside. The bell over the door jangled merrily as she entered and Killian’s gaze followed the sound. As soon as his eyes caught hers, he grinned. “Why Swan, to what do I owe this pleasure? I thought you were covering the early shift this morning.”

“I am,” she replied, “but you know me...the earlier I have to go in, the more I want bear claws to offset the pain of doing paperwork. Care to help a girl out?”

“You know it, Swan,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows ridiculously as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Emma fought the urge to moisten her own in response, biting her bottom lip instead. Killian moved towards the front case and grabbed a couple of the biggest bear claws, dropping them into a light blue bag emblazoned with the Second Star logo and handing them to her. “Should still be warm - I put them out just a few minutes ago.”

“Thanks,” she said softly, swallowing hard. This is it - now or never, Emma. “Hey listen, I was wondering if you were free-”

Before she could finish, the door swung open with such force its bell didn’t just ring, it nearly flew off. A gust of icy wind followed the entrance of a statuesque and elegantly dressed redhead who made a beeline for the counter without sparing a glance at Emma or bothering to close the door. “There you are, Killian darling!” she exclaimed in a lightly accented voice. “I’m just bursting with news!”

Emma felt her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He glanced in her direction briefly before responding to the other woman. “Good morning, Zelena,” he said quietly. “Lovely to see you again. Give me just a moment and I can give you my undivided attention.”

The woman - Zelena, Emma mentally corrected - whirled around, noticing Emma for the first time. A smile, bright but tinged with something a bit frightening around the edges, lit up her face before she turned back to Killian. “Alright,” she practically purred, “but don’t keep me waiting too long.” With that, she brushed past Emma and moved towards the corner table, gracefully sinking down into one of the chairs and pulling out her phone.

Emma looked at Killian, whose attention was still on the woman in the corner. She had no idea who this woman was or why she was treating Killian with such familiarity, but suffice it to say that the big moment she’d been gearing herself up for was gone. Gesturing to the door, Emma broke the brief silence that had fallen between them. “I, uh, actually do have to get going,” she said, “but I’ll text you later, alright?”

What looked like disappointment flickered across Killian’s face, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Zelena piped up, her voice piercing the silence. “Whatever you’re doing tonight, cancel it,” she said, her words clearly aimed at Killian. “We’re going to need to celebrate and I’ve got just the place in mind.”

Suddenly, Emma couldn’t stand being in the bakery for one more moment. Barely meeting Killian’s eyes, she muttered a quick goodbye and stepped out into the coldness of the day, the freezing air seemingly penetrating her heart instantly. She thought she heard him call her name, but didn’t stop or look back. She was finding it hard to draw breath and emotions she refused to name had tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

There’s probably a rational explanation. Killian would have told you if he were seeing someone new, she tried to reassure herself. Wouldn’t he?

The uncertainty followed her all the way to the station, and she had trouble concentrating for most of the morning. She was actually grateful for the call that came in just before lunch. It seemed the artistic vandal had struck again, this time down at the Cannery.

Thankful for anything to take her mind off Killian, she picked up her radio, let David know they had a case, and headed for the docks.

-/-

As Emma bolted from the bakery, not even stopping when he called after her, Killian’s heart sank. He’d been so glad to see her, but Zelena’s somewhat unexpected appearance and ill-timed interjections had thrown everything off. He needed the large contract she was offering him - supplying baked goods for the local chain of B&Bs she owned with her partner would have a huge impact on his business - but he wished she’d shown up at literally any other time.

Turning back to her after it was clear Emma was truly gone, he mustered up a smile and agreed to meet Zelena and her partner, Cruella, at a quiet restaurant near the waterfront that evening to sign the contract and - as she put it - “celebrate properly.” As soon as they’d confirmed their dinner plans, she whirled back out the door in a flurry of red curls and a cloud of expensive perfume. He was momentarily frozen in place as he processed the events of the morning before shaking himself out of his stupor.

Before he could meet Zelena he had to finish setting out the rest of the items he’d already baked that morning, and in the afternoon he and his head bakery assistant, William Smee, had to start on several special order cakes. But first, he had a very important errand to run. He finished putting the muffins into the front case and headed back to the kitchen.

“Smee,” he said loudly in an attempt to get the other man to look up from where he was piping thin streams of melted chocolate in elaborate shapes onto waxed paper. Smee didn’t respond and Killian belatedly realized he’d popped headphones in. “Smee,” he repeated more loudly, tapping him on the shoulder. Smee startled, smudging one of the chocolate designs with the side of his hand.

“Oh dammit,” Smee muttered, dropping the piping bag on the counter and reaching for a rag. Pulling his headphones off, he glanced up at Killian. “Was that really necessary?”

“Sorry,” Killian replied, “but I need to head out a bit earlier than planned for that errand. Wendy should be in soon to cover the front, but can you finish setting everything else out and keep an eye out in case there are customers before she gets here? I’ll be back after lunch and we’ll get going on the first of those orders.”

Smee nodded. “Sure thing, boss. Hey, would you mind bringing back-”

“A tuna melt on rye and a double order of fries?” Killian guessed, and Smee nodded again. “Not a problem. See you in a bit.”

Killian took off his apron and hung it on a peg by the back door before grabbing his jacket, keys, and a satchel filled with several canisters of spray paint. Pulling his hat out of his jacket pocket, he tugged it down over his ears as he shouldered the door open and stepped out into the cold, crisp air. Walking down the alleyway that ran behind Second Star, he moved with purpose in the direction of the waterfront.

He was about to take the next step in his plan to court Emma - he only hoped it worked.

-/-

Emma stared at the back wall of the Storybrooke Cannery, her mouth slightly open in awe. Writing scrolled across the entire back wall of the building in looping, elegant lines. She’d not been immediately familiar with it, but a quick websearch had revealed it was part of a Shakespearean sonnet.

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

She gazed at the words - lines of green and gold boxed them in like a frame - for a moment longer. There was something vaguely familiar about the swoop and swirl of the writing, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on where she’d seen it before. She turned to Eric Prince, the Cannery’s day shift supervisor, with a frown. “You’re sure no one saw who did this?”

Eric shrugged. “The first shift was in full swing and all my guys were on the line - it’s pretty quiet back here unless it’s lunchtime or shift change.”

Emma nodded. “Of course,” she said, feeling a bit defeated that once again she had nothing to go on. “Do you want to press charges when we find who did this?”

Eric looked at her, then up at the graffiti. “That’s not really up to me - I kind of like it. But you’re going to have to ask the owner.”

Emma sighed. Talking to old Mr. Svendsen, whose family had run the Cannery practically since Storybrooke had first existed, was not high on her list. (He was a sweet man, but getting on in years and notoriously hard of hearing - conversations with him tended to last forever and she just did not have the time). Still, she knew she had to see this through. “Alright,” she said. “Is he in his office?”

“Uh, yep.” Eric turned towards the building and Emma followed him inside.

Emma found, after a roughly half hour conversation, that Mr. Svendsen didn’t want was to press charges. He apparently liked the graffiti, and decided it gave the building a nice change of pace.

Shaking her head as she stepped back outside, she turned to look at the graffiti once more. “I’ve got to be missing something here,” she muttered. “Twice in a month? In this town? It’s got to be the same person...but no one wants to press charges. I don’t get it.”

“Talking to yourself, Emma? That’s not good,” David said with a grin as he came around the corner of the building.

“Ha ha,” Emma rolled her eyes. “I’m just frustrated this has happened again and we’re no closer to figuring out who’s behind it than we were the first time - and that the building owner doesn’t want to press charges this time either. I mean, it is a crime.”

“Well,” David said thoughtfully, “I see your point...but this isn’t the worst thing we’ve had to deal with on the job. It’s actually kinda romantic, isn’t it?”

“Not you too!” she cried, throwing up her hands in disbelief. “That’s practically the same thing that Eric and Svendsen said.”

“Well maybe we’re onto something,” he said with a grin, falling into step beside her as she headed back towards the cruiser.

“It’s more like you all have some kind of Valentine’s hangover,” she grumbled. “We’re supposed to enforce the law, David, not admire the work of vandals.”

“I know that,” he said jovially. “But we can’t do anything if the owners don’t want to press charges...besides, you’ve got to admit, that,” he pointed over his shoulder at the graffiti, “is not just vandalism...whoever’s doing this is really good.”

“I guess,” she conceded, though privately she did agree with David. “Still wish we had some clue to go on though.”

David looked at her thoughtfully as they got in the cruiser and backed out of the parking lot. “I think that’s the real root of the problem.”

“What is?”

“It’s not that this is - technically - a crime that’s bothering you,” he replied. “You’re more upset you can’t figure out who did it.”

Emma was silent for a moment before she groaned. “Okay. Yes. Fine. There are no real clues and no one will press charges so I feel like it’d be kind of pathetic if I keep investigating anyway, and the not knowing is driving me nuts, I’ll admit it. Okay?!”

“As long as you admit it,” David said, trying - and failing - to muffle his laughter.

“You are impossible,” she said, doing her best to inject a glare into her tone since she couldn’t take her eyes off the road long enough to actually look at him.

“Yeah, but I put up with you, so…”

“You’re just asking for it, aren’t you Nolan?” she replied, teasingly. “Well, just for that, you’re buying lunch,” she said as she parked near Granny’s.

They got out and headed towards the diner, David grumbling good-naturedly. As they reached the steps, the door swung open. Before Emma knew it, she was face to face with a slightly harried looking Killian.

After their encounter at Second Star earlier in the morning, Emma had hoped to have a bit more time to process her jumbled thoughts and emotions - but as she’d been actively trying to avoid thinking about how awkward it had been, she hadn’t actually dealt with anything she’d been feeling.

All of which led to more awkwardness now. They stared silently at each other for what felt like an absurdly long amount of time. Killian recovered more quickly, breaking their shared gaze and looking down at his feet for a moment before glancing back up at her. “Swan, I’m glad I bumped into you. You left so quickly this morning, I never got to explain-”

“You don’t have to explain anything,” Emma cut in, acutely aware of the fact they were standing in Granny’s open doorway and David was only a couple of feet behind her. “I had to get to work, you had plans to make. We’re both adults,” she said, dropping her voice so David couldn’t overhear her. “Not everything we do has to revolve around each other’s schedule.”

She’d been aiming for breezy and unaffected, but her tone must have come off as slightly bitter, because Killian flinched before plastering on a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Right, of course. I know that, but I rather enjoy spending time with you, Swan...and I’d hoped you did too,” he muttered, before raising his voice to a more normal pitch and addressing both her and David. “Got to head back now. Smee gets disgruntled if I don’t feed him regularly,” he joked, lightly shaking the bag of food he had clutched in his hand.

He brushed past her gently, giving her one last fleeting, emotion-filled glance before heading down the steps. She didn’t have time to react before he was gone and David was urging her inside.

She muddled her way through lunch, only half paying attention to David’s theories about the art vandal and his stories about what he and Mary-Margaret had done last weekend. She responded in the appropriate places, but part of her attention was elsewhere.

She was still thinking about Killian when they headed back to the station for the rest of their shift. As they walked into the office, Emma’s phone buzzed. Fishing it out, she was a bit nervous to see a text from Killian. But when she read it, the tension she’d unconsciously been carrying leached out of her body and a smile spread across her face.

KJ: Sorry if I was a bit rude when I saw you earlier, Swan. Big business dinner tonight - that slightly scary woman you met this morning is a new client who’s been keeping me on my toes.

She breathed a sigh of relief, which was quickly followed by a cringe of embarrassment - she couldn’t believe she’d been so ready to be jealous of someone who turned out to be a client of Killian’s. She was the one who owed Killian an apology for acting so strangely that morning - but she couldn’t really apologize without explaining why she’d been out of sorts in the first place, and confessing your undying love for your best friend over text message just seemed unbearably like something out of one of Mary-Margaret’s beloved rom coms.

ES: Nothing to apologize for - I was the one who got kinda short with you. Sorry about that, btw. Hope all goes well tonight. Tell me all about it soon. Lunch tomorrow?

His affirmative response came back nearly instantaneously, and Emma smiled. Her day was suddenly looking up, and tomorrow she’d have another chance to try to change things for the better between her and Killian. This time, she wouldn’t screw it up.

Late February-Early June…

Emma didn’t screw up that second chance with Killian - but it wasn’t due to any great show of bravery on her part.

Their lunch the day after their awkward encounter at Granny’s had been interrupted by Leroy, one of the workers at the town’s mine, getting into a fight with a group of bikers. Emma had had to dash out of the diner mid-lunch, apologizing profusely to Killian. He’d understood and they’d agreed to try for a movie night the following week.

But then Henry’d come down with the flu and Emma’d spent two weeks taking care of him and all thoughts of movie nights - and confessing feelings - were strictly off the table. When Henry was finally feeling better, it was Killian’s turn to be less available. The Easter season was always busy at Second Star, and ever since he’d signed the contract to be the main bakery supplier for Zelena and Cruella’s local chain of inns, he’d been flooded with work. He’d had to hire and train two new bakers just to keep up with the orders for the inns so he and Smee could focus on the rest of the bakery’s pre-existing workload.

In the middle of all of that, Elsa had spontaneously visited for Ingrid’s birthday in late April, and, in a move that pretty much confirmed Emma’s suspicions about the two of them, Liam had turned up for an extended vacation around the same time - he’d stayed until almost the middle of May. Killian had been grateful to have the time with his brother (not to mention another set of hands in the bakery - the pair of them had practically been raised in their aunt and uncle’s bakery in England. Liam was almost as skilled as Killian, even if he’d not pursued baking as a career), but by the time Liam had headed back home to London the spring had flown by.

Emma also had been pursuing the artistic vandal all over town. In March, the side wall of the flower shop, Game of Thorns, was painted with “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more,” from Jane Austen’s Emma. April saw the convent’s garden retaining wall get decorated with a portrait of a woman. Her face was mostly hidden, but her long golden hair seemed to float on an invisible breeze and her arm was outstretched. Most striking of all, she held a vibrant crimson heart in her hand.

In May, the artist (Emma had finally given up on calling him a vandal) was back to Shakespeare. This time it was a quote from Much Ado About Nothing - “I were but little happy if I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours” - covering the sidewalk in front of the middle school. The words were outlined and embellished with golden flourishes, and followed by a pair of clasped hands, the fingers interlaced. Something familiar about that image tugged at the back of Emma’s brain, but it refused to cohere into a usable clue.

Emma was still frustrated she couldn’t uncover the artist’s identity - particularly since after the art at Game of Thorns and the convent, it had become clear that whoever this artist was, they intended these messages for her. A little voice in the back of her mind had wondered - at first - if she should be creeped out by that.

But there was just something about this art that was familiar. It made her feel warm and safe, as though the artist’s emotions were bleeding through the work, reaching out, and wrapping around her. It made her feel cherished - she couldn’t bring herself to take a cynical view of it. After several pieces had appeared around town, she created a photo array of them all at the station, and spent far too many hours staring at them when she should have been working.

(If a little voice in the back of her head insisted it was Killian...well, she chalked it up to her own wishful thinking and forced herself to set the thoughts aside).

The last several months had also wrought a difference in her relationship with Killian. Though they’d never really talked about the Valentine’s Day Near Kissing Incident, and the circumstances of their hectic lives had kept Emma from making another serious attempt to discuss her feelings with him, things had slowly and subtly shifted between them.

In the few times they’d been able to spend any significant time together over the past few months, they’d been far more tactile - Killian curling an arm around her shoulder at Ingrid’s birthday party, Emma looping her arm through his as they strolled through the park, his hand on the small of her back as they listened to Liam tell stories about his work, and on and on.

They were almost testing the waters of couplehood without explicitly discussing it - afraid if they examined what they were doing too closely, they wouldn’t have the courage to actually keep doing it.

Emma wasn’t sure what had prompted it, but she was definitely enjoying it - it had made her even more hopeful that when she finally got a damn moment to make her confession, it would be well-received.

But she was beaten to the punch before she could ever put her newfound resolve to the test.

First Saturday in June…

“Hey Mom?” Henry’s voice preceded him down the stairs of their apartment, his heavy footfalls thunking from his room to the kitchen where Emma was sitting at the table enjoying her morning coffee and flipping through the Storybrooke Mirror.

“Yeah, kid?” she replied, looking up as he plopped himself down across from her.

“Could we go to the library today? Like, soon-ish? There’s a couple of books I need for a project, and uh...I really need Belle’s help finding them,” he said, fidgeting as he waited for her reply.

“Why’s it so urgent?” she asked, raising a brow expectantly. She had a feeling that she knew what was coming - she just needed Henry to say it.

“I, uh, didn’t exactly start it as soon as I should and...I can get it done in time, don’t worry!” he reassured her, “but I need to go pick up these books today if I’m going to make it happen,” he said, flashing her his best i’m-cute-and-usually-better-prepared-than-this-so-please-don’t-punish-me-for-leaving-homework-till-the-last-minute-just-this-once grin.

After holding his stare for a moment, Emma shook her head and laughed under her breath. “Sure kid.” She had no doubt Henry would create something amazing, and it really wasn’t like him to leave things late, so she wasn’t worried it would become a habit. “But why do you need me to go? Usually, you head down there on your own.”

“Yeah,” Henry agreed, “but I was kinda hoping we could go to Granny’s for pancakes after.”

“Ahhh, now the truth is revealed,” Emma laughed. She pretended to think for a moment, but really, Henry had gotten to her the moment he’d said pancakes. “Alright, kid. Let’s go.” 

-/-

Emma should’ve suspected something was up when - after they’d finally left the library and headed for the diner- she started getting slightly strange looks from the townsfolk. Everyone was smiling at her, and a few people gave her a thumbs up - most disturbingly, Leroy winked at her.

Shrugging it off and following Henry into Granny’s, she noticed her son was absorbed in his phone, texting with dizzying speed. “What’s up?” she questioned as they slid into a booth.

“Huh?” he looked up for a moment before his phone buzzed and he was engrossed again. “Oh, um, it’s just Avery...we’re trying to figure out plans for tomorrow. He was asking if I could come over for the afternoon. Can I, please?”

“Maybe. If you get that project finished first, okay. Do that and then we’ll talk.”

“That’s fair,” Henry said with a grin as the waitress arrived at their table.

“I’m glad you think so,” Emma said with a chuckle. They ordered and spent the time waiting for their pancakes to arrive chatting about what Henry had done in school the prior week and some of the plans they’d already been making for his summer vacation (which, according to Henry, couldn’t start soon enough).

It wasn’t until Emma was paying their bill that Henry’s phone started buzzing again. He looked at it briefly and fired off a text before they headed out the door. As they descended Granny’s front steps, Henry spoke again. “Mom, do you mind if we walk home by the park?”

“Yeah, sure...You still need to get to your homework as soon as we get home, but I don’t see why not as long as we don’t stay too long,” she agreed. “It’ll help work off the mountain of pancakes we just inhaled.” They turned in the direction of the park, enjoying the warm breeze and dappled sunlight as it fell through the trees lining the wide streets.

Though Emma began to regret agreeing to Henry’s suggestion as even more passers-by shot odd looks and smiles her way. Seriously, what is UP with everyone today?!

She didn’t have much longer to wonder. As they approached the park, Emma saw her name, painted in large, looping curls and swoops, stretching across the sidewalk in front of the main entrance gate. An arrow, outlined in gold, pointed down the walkway leading away from the gate, and she could just make out the clustered shapes of several hearts a few feet beyond that. “What?” she asked, dumbstruck. “Henry, did you know this would be here?” she glanced back at her son, who had stopped a few feet behind her.

Well, this certainly explains all the strange looks.

“Uh, maybe?” he replied sheepishly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yes, kinda,” he corrected. “Okay, yes.”

“Wait a minute,” she turned back to face him. “Do you know who’s been behind this? Have you known the whole time?”

“Look, Mom...but don’t you want to find out who’s at the other end of that path?” he asked. “I’m going to head home and get started on my project, and,” he continued, seeing she had opened her mouth to interject, “I’ve asked Mary-Margaret to come around and keep an eye on me - so don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Go!” he smiled at her encouragingly and shooed her towards the park entrance.

“Don’t think you’re getting out of telling me every single thing later, Henry David Swan,” she warned, though the grin tugging at the corner of her mouth made her words far less stern than she’d intended. He nodded and took off down the street as she turned back to the park entrance.

She gazed at her name again for a moment before stepping into the park and onto the path. As she followed the arrow to the cluster of hearts, her pulse accelerated and a sense of nervous excitement settled over her. A little further into the park, the path diverged and she looked around in momentary confusion before spotting more words painted on the left-hand path, the one leading towards the gazebo in the center of the park.

“This is it. This is life...” she murmured aloud, reading along with the words. There was something vaguely familiar about the phrasing - it tugged at her memory, and she must have recognized it on some subconscious level, because her pulse kicked up even further.

She followed the path a bit further and saw more words painted on the old, cracking asphalt.

“...And I'm in love with you...I think that's the only thing I've ever really been sure of in my entire life…” she whispered, again reading along with the text. Another group of hearts and another golden arrow followed that part of the quote, which she now recognized was from Garden State.

In that moment, she was certain.

She’d had her suspicions - and hopes - as to who the mystery artist was. But that quote cemented it. Her steps picked up speed as she headed for the last stretch of the path, looking ahead as she approached the gazebo.

There, stretching along the last section of the pathway, were the final words. “... I don't want to waste any more of my life without you in it.” Killian stepped out from under the roof of the gazebo, a small smile on his face. “Hello, Swan,” he murmured.

She didn’t stop moving, she didn’t slow down - in fact she sped up as she got closer to him, and when she reached him, she promptly punched him in the shoulder.

“Oi!” he cried, “what was that for?”

“It was you all this time?!” she shouted. “Do you know how crazy you’ve been driving me?!”

“I’ll have to admit, I’d envisioned you saying something like that - but in a decidedly different tone,” he muttered, wincing a bit and reaching up to rub at where she’d punched him. “Look...I realize this might’ve been a rather...elaborate...way of confessing my feelings...but you have to know, Emma. It’s you...it’s been you for quite some time now, and that’s not going to change.” He raked his hands through his hair, nerves visibly increasing as her silence continued. “I’m trying to say I love you, Swan, and thinking of how to tell you has been bloody terrifying-”

“So you decided to do it in the most public way possible?” she asked, finally finding her voice. “That was a big risk.”

“Aye,” he said, taking a few cautious steps closer to her. He reached out and cupped her face in his hand, his fingers sliding just into the hair behind her ear as his thumb brushed her cheek. “But you deserved the grandest of romantic gestures, love. I was willing to take the chance.”

Her arms wound around his waist as she stepped even closer to him, until there was really no space left between them at all. She took a deep breath. Here goes. “I love you, Killian. It was you...all this time,” she continued, her tone infinitely softer and laced with her abundant affection. She pressed up on her tiptoes, whispering, “do you know how crazy you’ve been driving me?” against his mouth before sealing her lips to his.

They sank into the kiss, their embrace growing closer and closer until Emma’s arms were draped over Killian’s shoulders and his were wrapped firmly around her waist. They had difficulty parting from one another, even when breathing became a pressing issue. They dove back in for kiss after kiss, becoming lost in each other.

It’s really amazing how different this is when you love someone so deeply, Emma thought hazily as Killian nibbled at her lower lip. She gasped sharply at the sensation, his tongue flicking out and soothing the spot before darting into her mouth to curl around her own. Just like that, their kiss took on another dimension, growing more passionate, hotter, wetter, and deeper - and Emma could no longer think at all.

Long moments later, they finally drew back, but kept their foreheads pressed tightly together. As they tried to regain their breath, Emma chuckled.

“What, love?” Killian said, a soft smile on his face.

“Oh, just...clearly Henry was in on this whole thing, I know that much now,” she said, pulling back to look at him. “But you’re going to have to tell me how you pulled all of this off without anyone wanting to press charges over any of the paintings...how much of the town was part of your master plan?”

“Well, love,” he said with a grin, taking every chance he could to use her new nickname. “That sounds like a perfect story for our first date.” He turned and started walking back up the path away from the gazebo, curling his arm around her shoulders when she fell into step next to him. “Can I pick you up tomorrow night at seven?”

She looked up at him, her face feeling like it would split in two from the force of her grin. “That sounds perfect.”

One year later…

The graffiti appeared once again, after another sleepy year in Storybrooke - but this time, Emma had no doubts as to its source. One morning when she opened the door of the seaside cottage she and Henry now shared with Killian, the simple question, Will you marry me, Swan?  looped its way down the front walk to the welcome sight that was Killian, down on one knee, at their gate.

(His smile was bright, his cheeks were flushed, and while one hand held a very particular type of jewelry box, the other nervously tugged at the hair behind his right ear).

Killian grinned when she used her own can of spray paint (shoved in her hand by Henry before he’d nudged her out the door) to write her simple, but perfect, response right next to his knee.

Yes.

[ecsundance]

Sundance 2021 Festival Summary

Although many film festivals were born out of the demand for lesser known filmmakers to be able to showcase their counterparts to the Hollywood mainstream, some question remains about the democratization of these festivals in times where virtually anyone can create and share content through the internet. Festivals such as Sundance started out “creating value for independent films through critical acclaim and through strategic exclusivity” (Tryon 158), meaning that these were places where new talent could be discovered and ultimately score a distribution deal. With the arrival of newer and more globalized distribution models, however, festivals have begun to place less emphasis on the communal viewing aspect and more on the opportunity to reach distribution platforms. Mumblecore filmmaker Joe Swanberg acknowledges this changing atmosphere by saying, “I’ve come to realize that my festival run is my theatrical run” (158). Another indie film director Steven Soderbergh also acknowledged this with the historic release of his film sex, lies, and videotape at Sundance in 1989, which rocketed to worldwide success. In doing so, he feared that the festival would become a place where filmmakers went to try and achieve a similar success, rather than “a festival which fostered independent voices” (162). Chuck Tryon reiterates this in his discussion of “Reinventing Festivals,” stating, “By the mid-1990s, Sundance and festivals like it appeared to be part of the larger industry involved in the production of commercial mainstream fare” (162). 

Sundance has since made efforts to reinvest in truly small scale filmmaking in several areas. One of these projects included a two hour documentary titled Life in a Day, made by selected footage from Youtube users all around the world, attempting to capture a global snapshot. The 2010 event was historic in confirming the way that digital production tools could allow for the democratization of filmmaking and how virtually anyone could become a filmmaker. It not only went against the festival’s previous production of exclusivity, but also opened up the experience for many more to witness through novel modes of exhibition. Additionally, the same year that Life in a Day premiered, Sundance launched the Next series, designed to foster “extremely low-budget films” (164). The series attempted to bring back into focus independent visions, implying that making a movie on a minimal budget was motivated by personal expression. Although these strategies were met with some cynicism, Sundance went on to expand its focus further by distributing current and past festival films on a range of digital platforms, creating further accessibility to even more audiences. Other film festivals, such as South by Southwest and Tribeca attempted to market themselves against Sundance’s commercialization, dubbing themselves as homes for the “underdog outsiders.” Festivals started to use more and more digital streaming platforms, which, while featuring drawbacks such as differences in time zones and lack of on-demand experiences, opened up the experience of what was once considered an exclusive event to a more accessible way to connect to the “cutting edge of independent and art-house films” (157). 

I can definitely recognize both the advantages and the drawbacks of the digitization of film festivals as discussed by Tryon. I imagine the tension between the traditional festival experience and the new ways of fostering a wider audience have only continued to develop as we’ve seen major technological developments in the years since 2013 when this piece was written. From what I experienced at this year’s Sundance Film Festival, I think I would prefer attending in-person as opposed to online in the future. I can certainly recognize the benefits of providing an online experience, but in my opinion it isn’t the most ideal. I’m glad that this year’s digital offerings likely exposed a whole new audience (myself included) to what Sundance has to offer, and I think they should continue offering those opportunities in the future. However, it was also extremely overwhelming at the same time trying to navigate such an expanse of programming, and as with any technological endeavor, there are bound to be technical difficulties. For example, instead of offering on-demand viewing for feature films, there were specific time slots online like there would be in-person. While I was lucky enough to have most of my film picks line up scheduling-wise, for those attempting to do as much viewing as possible, I can see how this would be limiting. Additionally, with timed premieres came restricted viewing windows, which did not work in my favor on one occasion. I clicked on the link that led me to the video page for “Documentary Shorts” in search of a description of the event without realizing that it would start the clock on the few hours I had to complete it. Therefore, upon returning to it later, I found that I was unable to view it. I also found the layout of the Sundance website to not be very user-friendly in nature. The distinction between certain programming was unclear to me, and oftentimes the sheer number of events, talks, and other pages became quite overwhelming in trying to figure out what I wanted to attend and when these opportunities would be available. It was also nearly impossible to navigate the website without encountering an advertisement or sponsored page that had very little to do with the actual subject of film, which was an annoyance to me, although I recognize that these sources are necessary for festival funding. It was in these experiences that I really recognized the increasingly corporate nature of the film festival as Tryon had described it in his discussion. That being said, I did very much enjoy the experiences that I was eventually able to access. 

The films that I was able to see included I Was a Simple Man, Rebel Hearts, Eight for Silver, In the Earth, Misha and the Wolves, The Blazing World, and The World to Come. I Was a Simple Man was not a personal pick of mine but I’m glad I was able to see it. A very personal and introspective film, it offered something I did not previously have in my festival lineup. Rebel Hearts was my favorite film. It documented the stories of a group of revolutionary nuns in the 1960s who sought to create a more liberating and just society for themselves and others, told through interviews, archival footage, and beautiful animations. Eight for Silver was another one of my favorites, and felt most akin to the Hollywood blockbusters I’ve seen in years past. It brought a clever edge to the traditional werewolf story that I felt differentiated it from its predecessors. In the Earth was a bizarre and timely thriller that was truly a unique viewing experience in its use of sound and light. Misha and the Wolves was a heartbreaking and fascinating film exploring the story of one woman and her supposed life during the Holocaust, and the truths, as well as the lies, her story brought to light. The Blazing World was my least favorite of the features I watched. While visually stunning, I felt the film achieved very little beyond that. The World to Come was another favorite of mine. Based on a short story, this heartbreaking period romance featured some of the best acting and direction I saw throughout the entire festival. I also attended the Animation Spotlight event, featuring some incredible and wacky animated shorts, my favorites being “Ghost Dogs” and “Little Miss Fate.” I wish I had planned better in order to attend more talks, but of the one I did attend, exploring the genres of horror and thriller, I learned a lot. The Q+A’s following films were also very fun, my favorite being the one for The World to Come, where I could really see the chemistry between cast and crew which made for such an incredible film. My favorite New Frontier experience was definitely the video event “Weirdo Night,” hosted by eclectic performer Dynasty Handbag and featuring a number of bizarre acts. In my experience, the most fun events were definitely the weirdest ones. If I could impart some wisdom on future Sundance-goers, it would be to plan, plan, plan! If the website doesn’t allow you to add something to your online schedule, write it down on paper! This will make for a much more seamless experience and allow you to optimize your viewings. Secondly, try to go out of your comfort zone as much as possible. Sundance has always been a place to discover the new and unusual, and you never know what you might find. 

-G. 

Explore Sundance

Buy passes to Slamdance, Sundance’s underground (and more wallet friendly) alternative.  

[theseadagiodays]

May 11, 2020

Sanctuaries

My favorite refuge: The view from the summit of my backyard park

I’ve been thinking a lot about sanctuaries lately.  Defined as “a place of refuge or safety; a nature reserve; or a holy place,” the meaning of the word is entirely interpretable by each individual.  

Recently, the term has proliferated in reference to US cities who claim they will protect migrants from a certain unnameable leader’s xenophobic policies.  Unthinkably, this same buffoon has even threathened to withhold coronavirus relief funding to such cities if they continue to harbor “unwanted” residents.

It seems, for every sanctuary, there exist forces who want to threaten them.  This is as true of religious persecution around the world, as it is with safe houses for women escaping violence.

In our Lullaby Project, Instruments of Change works quite intimately with this population.  Through this time, we’ve been fortunate to continue supporting single mothers to write original songs about their hopes and dreams for their children.  What we’ve learned from them is that, ironically, while many of us have struggled to self-isolate at home, these women have never felt safer, with the prospect of being found, or of unwelcomed visits from their abusers temporarily lifted.  

In Women Rock, another program that we’ve shifted to digital engagement through Google Classroom, our participants have written a secular choral hymn identifying nature as the sanctuary that has provided them the most solace during this time.   A verse from their song, Hidden Symphonies is below.

Listen to the silence

Morning bird calls at play

Soul refreshing music

Through isolation days

It is interesting that more and more evidence suggests people rarely catch the virus while outdoors (https://globalnews.ca/news/6906508/coronavirus-outdoors-parks-closed/).  Intuitively, this resonates with me, as someone who has always found sanctuary staying active outdoors. So, while experts stress that social distancing in public parks is still necessary, simply sharing these wild places six feet away from strangers has been a blessing.

Art has always been another refuge for many.   And it’s no wonder some artists have been turning to nature as their canvas.  The Swiss artist, Saype’s work is perhaps the most ambitious example.  His stunning ephemeral piece, Beyond Crisis, made with biodegradable spray paint, is designed to fade naturally as the grass grows, in much the same way we all hope this virus will eventually disappear once nature takes its course (with ample cooperation from humans).

https://twistedsifter.com/2020/05/giant-biodegradable-artwork-of-hope-appears-atop-swiss-hillside/

And finally, another creative community, in Sag Harbour, NY, has found an inventive way to share their work while galleries are closed.  Barns, front yards, and back gardens have become museum walls for dozens of installations that locals are welcome to view, as safely distant drive-bys.  https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/11/arts/design/drive-by-art-long-island.html?action=click&module=Well&pgtype=Homepage&section=Art%20%20Design

Paintings by Darius Yektai; Diane Blell’s “Table for Two Separate tables”; Erik Fischl’s “Young Dancers Dancing”

May 12, 2020

Daily Delights

I have also been trying to hone my lens for finding a different kind of art in nature.  With time to slow down and stay close to home, I have paid much closer attention to the little wonders that surround me.  I began the practice of doing this shortly before self-isolation, when I learned about Ross Gay’s poetic essays collected in his book Daily Delights. https://www.amazon.ca/Book-Delights-Essays-Ross-Gay/dp/1616207922

As if prophetically, NPR featured him on my favorite podcast This American Life, in late January.  https://www.thisamericanlife.org/692/the-show-of-delights

And this reminder, to savor life’s small pleasures was exactly the armor I needed for this period.  Since February, I’ve kept my own daily delights journal.  And here are just a few snapshots that have made the cut since quarantine began.

Baby ducks, Hula hoops, Elderly couple park bench massage, Backyard swing

May 13, 2020

Radio Days

While so much has changed about my daily rhythms, of late, there are a few pillars that I’ve kept in place to give my life some necessary scaffolding, in order to maintain a sense of familiarity and grounding.  

One of these is the ritual that my partner and I have had for years, of listening to This American Life every weekend.  Ira Glass’s strangely pleasing-though-nasally drone has accompanied hundreds of our road trips to mountains, lakes and forests, as we’ve sought weekend adventure. But for now, living room listenting has had to suffice.

On May 4th, the show just happened to be honored with the first ever Pulitzer Prize for audio journalism.  So, that’s a well-earned feather in a podcast’s cap.  But, awards or not, their carefully curated slices of life never fail to amuse and inspire.  

Interestingly, I think more and more people are turning to podcasts, perhaps as an antidote to screen fatigue, and also because it seems to align with the nostalgia for days past that is so alive right now.  So, I wanted to suggest a few podcasts that might particularly resonate at the moment.

If it’s a longing for “other” that’s calling you, there is an incredible website called Radio Garden that lets you travel anywhere in the world, to sonically “drop-in” to whatever environment intrigues you (http://radio.garden/listen/alpha-boys-school-radio/ijKUlByg). For a real time sense of what moves people across the globe, you can experience the music, stories, and language of cultures from Antanarivo to Zagreb, with just a spin of their online globe and a simple click.  Here, you can access literally thousands of radio stations.  However, in my experience, their interface works best on a Chrome rather than Safari browser.

Early in quarantine, when I was in sorest need of a good laugh, This American Life put together an episode on fiascos that really helped bring levity at a time when we all began to feel our world fall apart.  https://www.thisamericanlife.org/699/fiasco

And speaking of when things fall apart, Buddhist nun Pema Chodron’s book of the same name has served as a sort of bible for many westerners, as they’ve turned to the ancient Tibetan tradition in which she was ordained.  Another podcast favorite of mine is Krista Tippet’s On Being.  And her most recent May 7thepisode featured herself and musician/meditator Devandra Banhart alternatively reading passages from this sage book, while reflecting on its relevance for the times.

https://onbeing.org/programs/devendra-banhart-when-things-fall-apart/

May 14. 2020

Finding Bliss

Ai Weiwei’s 2010 “Grapes”, with a coincidental resemblance to the coronavirus

Interviewed about how he’s responding to the virus, Ai Weiwei replied, “I never create anything.  I just try to cope with the situation at hand.” We all need coping tools and strategies for those times when things fall apart.  Ai Weiwei’s plainspoken answer sounds almost religious, the way he describes art as his salve.  And this makes sense to me.  But for many years, faith in an actual religion never did.  Raised as a half-Catholic, half-Jewish Unitarian, I only attended services until I was about 11, when Sunday youth orchestra rehearsals took their place.  So, I never fully understood the role of weekly church service until we travelled to India, for 10-days of Dalai Lama teachings.  This annual offering, which he made for 30 years, was an even greater gift than we expected, given that these Kalichakra teachings ceased just after our 2007 trip, unbeknowst to us.   Every day, for 5 hours, 1,000s of seekers flocked to the grounds of his Dharamsala temple, and listened by radio simulcast, in 1 of 17 native tongues, to his special blend of humor and clarity.  Each day, we all left bubbling to the rim with reaffirmed intention to be our best selves.  The coffeeshops, all over town, were a twitter with armchair philosophy between strangers trying to understand and integrate his words.   Uncanny kindnesses abounded.  And you could feel our resolve get ever more reinforced with each return to his daily talks. However, it’s only once we left Dharmasala, with equally grand intentions to “remember”,  that I recognized the role of these daily infusions. Because with each passing day, best behaviors, careful speech, and pure thoughts deterioritated, if only a little at a time.  

Note the curly-haired, golden-sweatered sore thumb in this sea of burgundy-robed monks...

So, while that did not instill in me a renewed church-going tradition, I have found my own ways to be “reminded.”  They’ve just come in different forms.  

For Geoff, it’s long runs and bike rides that serve as his spiritual medicine.  And for me, it’s a panoply of things.  Sometimes its communion with nature.  Other times yoga.  Writing. Handstand therapy.  Or even what my favorite yoga teacher likes to call “Hammock Enlightenment.”  

Eoin Finn is an artist of the highest order.   Good living is his canvas.  The body is his brush.  And bliss is his paint.  He calls his teaching Blissology, and spreads his backbends, heart-openers, and ocean loving vibes from Indonesia to Byron Bay.  

He and his family have been quarantining in Bali, since they were leading teacher trainings there, just before global travel nearly shut down. And fortunately, he continues to extend his generous spirit through free weekly livestream Stay Om yoga classes, on Facebook.  If you happen to miss his 5 pm Sunday classes, the videos remain online to follow any time. So, I hope some of you take the opportunity to worship the DUDE (Delight in Universal Divine Energy) with him some time. I promise there will be plenty more acronymns and puns where that one came from.  Plus, a good dose of deep stretches for your limbs and soul.

https://www.facebook.com/blissarmy/?__tn__=%2Cd%2CP-R&eid=ARD502BDBWegIvZPmn6ec9pFCtdEPtRnELt_iabxb0_c5Mmnzq3UPiAddV8fEanrbJLeSOhgYWdeQOlu

May 15. 2020

Birthday Bash

Those who know me are aware of the special challenges birthdays pose for my creativity.  I relish the quest for the perfect homemade card, surprise gift, Bitmoji or GIF for a friend or family member.  And I love throwing a good bash.   I am also aware of the undue pressure this has caused my partner, over the years, to come up with a reciprocal gesture or party idea.  But given the added constraints of a quarantine, Geoff went over and above the call of duty this year to produce!

While the novelty of Zoom parties had already worn off, he still managed to find a brilliant way for my loved ones to send serial video messages throughout the day, with the bonus of a clever twist.  I’m not quite sure how he found the time, in his manic 70-hour work weeks, to put this together.  But, 43 clues later, I was delivered a personalized crossword puzzle, with each hint related to the messenger.  He really outdid himself this time, and I could not feel more grateful.

Meanwhile, unsure if he had anything up his sleeve, I got up to my own fun messying my hands to make this Covid Pinata.  I confess, I borrowed the idea from an article I saw online, but just couldn’t resist.  

And last night, of course with proper social distancing, we took great delight in beating the crap out of this brutal virus with a couple of friends.

[entergamingxp]

Halo 2 on PC is the best Master Chief Collection port yet • Eurogamer.net

A mere 13 years on from its initial release, Halo 2 has been re-released on PC as part of The Master Chief Collection – an ongoing enterprise that has attracted as much criticism as praise. So how does this port from the Xbox One conversion of Saber Interactive’s Xbox 360 original fare? What extras does it bring to the table, how well does it run – and does it manage to avoid the problems and issues of some of the other games in the PC collection?

With three games from the whole package now available to PC users, the good news is that in my opinion, this is the best release so far – and I’d also rate is a clear upgrade over the existing PC rendition of the game. Its greatest advantage comes from the inclusion of the remastered assets, kicking off in spectacular style with the replacement of the original’s in-engine cinematics with stunning pre-rendered videos delivered by Blur Studios. Beyond that, there are the graphical and audio engine changes to Halo 2 itself, where nearly every single aspect of the overall presentation has been updated and improved. Just like Halo: Combat Evolved, you can switch between the modern graphical presentation and the old instantaneously with a single keyboard press (TAB on PC). It’s a cute trick, but goes beyond visual flourishes alone – the revised soundtracks is excellent and the revamped audio is especially impressive.

While the first Halo’s Anniversary revamp fell a little flat, the sequel is something else. As I see it, Halo 2 is a game with a slightly awkward audio and visual presentation – the original design for the game aimed for a greater usage of bump mapping, real-time physics, and even more complex level design and it’s difficult to avoid the conclusion that the original Xbox couldn’t quite cope. The first Halo still stands up to scrutiny today – its more simplistic geometry is offset by its vibrancy in colour, great usage of tiling textures and some timeless material work. The sequel just doesn’t quite work for me in the same way.

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Halo 2 Anniversary on PC – the Digital Foundry video tech review.

Another reason why Halo 2 has a very particular look is due to a radical change that happened in its development cycle – as you’ll see in the video embedded below, the sequel was originally going to use a Doom 3-style rendering engine, focusing purely on real time lighting with hard stencil shadows. When you look at screenshots from this renderer, you can see how the bump mapping comes to life with real-time lighting and shadows, just as it does in Doom 3. So when this engine – dubbed ‘pstencil’ – was dropped in place for more traditional baked shadow maps, I think there were consequences for the game’s eventual presentation: many of the areas look flatly lit, or even unlit, with barely visible shadows.

This is the key area where the Anniversary revamp make a difference: Saber Interactive give directional lighting a huge push with real-time shadow maps, while generally increasing the contrast across the entire image. Also helping is the use of screen-space ambient occlusion to give shadowed areas more diversity, while the Anniversary graphics also use baked light maps that include global illumination. On top of this, other effects are added – like parallax occlusion mapped textures that give the ground and wall surfaces more detail, or parallax mapped bullet decals when you shoot ballistic weapons at metal walls. On top of the generally more vibrant colours scheme, there are also some really nice lens flares from the sun or plasma effects, along with impressive particle effects that receive lighting and shadowing information. Where the original Halo 2 felt a little flat, the Anniversary edition adds vibrancy and consistency lacking in the original, while not dramatically changing the art style of the game.

Then there is the audio – Halo 2 Anniversary comes furnished with a remade score by Skywalker Sound, adding a much greater dramatic emphasis in many scenes, with a different default music mix. Ambient audio and weapon effects are also radically improved with their greater bass and impact make the basic act of firing a weapon more visceral and enjoyable. When you combine the audio and visual improvements, I think this is easily the best way to experience the game, but how good is the new PC port?

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The Halo 2 that never was – examining the legendary E3 demo based on technology that Bungie would go on to scrap entirely.

High frame-rate gaming is an essential feature, especially for an FPS. Halo: Combat Evolved supported frame-rates above 60fps with some screen elements like screen-shakes, antennae movement and plasma shots only animating at half-rate 30fps. Meanwhile, Halo Reach had a completely broken high frame-rate option where 120fps looked and felt worse than 60fps, with obvious pacing problems in mouse movement and animation. Looking back it really was dreadful. Halo 2 is a big improvement but it isn’t quite perfect. Third person character animation, world physics and screen movements run as they should beyond 60fps, though Covenant plasma projectiles and the main characters’ hand animations only run at 60fps, looking jittery and out of step. This should be fixed and hopefully won’t cause too many problems for the developers.

In general, the games in the Master Chief Collection have suffered from internet connectivity issues in co-op play and unfortunately, this remains the case with this new title, where non-host players are often subject to intense lag that is way more impactful than it should be. Adding to the sense that Halo’s crucial co-op component isn’t where it should be, the new port also omits the split-screen play found in the console versions.

Performance-wise, Halo 2 checks out just fine, as you would hope. Mainstream GPUs like Nvidia’s GTX 1060 and AMD’s RX 580 deliver decent 1440p experiences when the Anniversary graphics are active and by our reckoning, cards like GTX 1660 Super or GTX 1070 would be needed for similar 4K play. In common with prior Master Chief games, PC users can also enjoy enhanced visual settings that go beyond what the title delivers on Xbox One and Xbox One X. That said, I only really noticed two changes when engaging enhanced graphics: the resolution of real-time shadow maps is improved, while there’s also an increase in texture resolution – which requires the entire level to be reloaded. Curiously, Nvidia seems to enjoy a big advantage performance-wise in our testing, with RX 580 lagging quite some way behind.

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Fortunes were mixed with the initial release of the Halo: Combat Evolved on PC. It was indeed good but far from perfect.

One aspect of performance does baffle me though: while playing cooperatively with a friend, I noticed some odd hitching on the Delta Halo level. I had observed one or two hitches prior to that, but here, the game was constantly stuttering for prolonged periods of time, while my co-op partner had the exact same thing happening in their game as well. Thinking it might be a network issue, I double-checked on another PC and the same effect kicked in with a similar level of severity. It’s not a pretty sight – we’re dealing with 100ms, 200ms and even 400ms stutters in relatively rapid succession. The game genuinely felt pretty poor to play in such areas and differences in hardware did not seem to matter: the issue kicked in on Ryzen 9 and Core i5 systems, and I also checked using both NVMe and SATA SSDs which were both equally impacted.

Wondering what was going on here, I gave the Xbox One X version of the game a quick test. On the same Delta Halo level, performance is constantly switching between 60fps and 30fps, feeling extremely inconsistent to play. I honestly do not remember this happening the first time I played the game on the X, so maybe this arrived with the enhanced 4K patch. Whether you’re playing this level on PC or Xbox One, I feel it could really use some work from the developers. And on the console front, perhaps that would help in clearing up performance problems elsewhere within the game. And I think this kind of glitchiness sums up a more global issue surrounding this project – there’s always the lingering sense that while the Master Chief Collection was put together with the best intentions, the component games never feel as polished as they should be.

All told though, I did enjoy returning to Halo 2 and despite the issues, I do feel that it’s best game in The Master Chief Collection for PC so far. The remade graphics scale rather well to 4K, the system requirements are not onerous – and crucially, it is a more than worthy replacement for the 2007 PC release. Let’s hope an even better turn-out from the upcoming Halo 3.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/05/halo-2-on-pc-is-the-best-master-chief-collection-port-yet-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=halo-2-on-pc-is-the-best-master-chief-collection-port-yet-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

[sonnetxli]

All of the Lights

May 13

Tokyo - Odaiba, Asakusa, Ueno

Unfortunately I was not feeling well overnight so I only slept for about 5 hours, but by the time morning came my stomach had settled and I was ready to tackle the day!

We got up fairly early and dropped by our neighborhood Family Mart - one of many, many convenience stores in the area - to pick up a few things, including breakfast. I picked a small baked item that looked delicious which turned out to be a cream and chocolate-filled crepe - and it WAS delicious.

Then we made our way to the neighborhood of Odaiba to locate the digital art installation called teamlab borderless. I had seen it online and had it recommended to me but read that it could get quite busy so we had pre-purchased our tickets. We arrived a little bit before opening time but they let us in early, which was lovely! Entry was smooth and quite quick.

teamlab borderless is a dynamic set of rooms and interactive areas where they use lights, music, and sound to create different visual effects. The patterns and pictures change all the time, so even if you come back to the same room twice it will not look as it did before. The whole area is quite dark, so I stuck to Gianna while she led the way through the various halls, stairs, and rooms.

By getting an early start we were able to beat a lot of the crowds and it seemed like we were perfectly on the first wave of visitors as each time we arrived at a room it wasn’t too busy, but by the time we were leaving that room it was filling up. It was fantastic!!!

There are so many amazing things to see at teamlab that it’s hard to summarize them well, but some of the experiences and highlights include: the Floating Nest, where you take off your shoes and walk across a net to then lay down and watch a light show; the Lantern Room, full of lights that resemble floating lanterns and change colors all the time; a lily-pad room that you could wade your way through; a bouldering area where you could climb through matched by color and sound; a delightfully slippery slide that made me feel like a kid again; a hilly room full of creatures like whales and frogs moving across the floor; a waterfall room with stunning water-like light effects; a wave room with thrashing, crashing waves; and a number of hallways sprouting flowers, shimmering with fireflies in bamboo forests, or with floral animals lumbering along.

We also decided to take part in the tea room experience for a small extra cost. Here you chose a tea - we both went with the iced green tea with yuzu - and sat along a long table to be served. Then they used lights to have flowers bloom in your teacup. The flowers would bloom unendingly, slowly unfurling on the foamy surface; if you picked up the cup to sip the tea and then replaced it on the table a shower of flower petals would dance away from your cup. It was a great break from the surprisingly active art displays (we were ready to sit down!) and a pretty display.

After the tea room we checked back on a couple of places to see the differences that had arrived over time, and then made our exit. We were quite surprised - and pleased - to see just how long the line had become to enter the museum (and this was the line for ticket holders, at that) and thus appreciate how we came at exactly the right time.

Right next to the entrance was a large Ferris wheel that we had chatted about going on earlier, so now that it was open we headed that way. I think we might have been the only ones on it at the time - the staff were all quite eager to usher us on. Anyways, it was a fun ride and a lovely view from the top - the bay and the futuristic neighborhood were all on display, along with a rather iconic-looking building that I recognized but could not remember the name of at the time (it’s the Fuji TV building). We took some pictures and then on the way down Gianna pointed out a park area that we could visit next. We promptly walked over and enjoyed a stroll through the gardens, complete with roses and butterflies and a beautiful ivied trellis built over a pair of vending machines - a beauty matched with function approach that is ubiquitous in Japan.

Feeling hungry, we decided to loop back to the mall nearby to visit the food court. We were both a bit tired - still adjusting to the time change - and I was feeling a little dizzy so we slowly walked along the stores to see the food options. We settled on a chicken and rice place and both ordered katsu or breaded meat cutlet, which came with salad, rice, and miso soup (oh and an unidentified item that was small, brown and thin - but it was decent so I ate it.) The taste was very good and it was nice to sit and rest for a bit, although I still felt a bit sleepy.

We decided to head to Asakusa next so we hopped back on the train. It’s quite fun to take trains out of Odaiba as much of it is surrounded by water so you get to take a train over a bridge. Ours ended up having a complete spiral in it that was rather fascinating!

We reached Asakusa and you could really feel that it is a touristy area. After taking a photo of the front gate, we plunged into the crowd along Nakamise Street, where rows of small shops selling traditional Japanese goods line the main walking path. Gianna was looking for a wallet so it was nice to pop in and out of stores with a goal in mind. We walked the full length of the street, checking products and prices along the way, briefly enjoyed the views of the actual temple at the end (which isn’t too big in terms of grounds, or at least not that I could see) and then went back along the shopping street so G could buy the wallet she had in mind. Purchase successfully made, we decided to head down a side covered street with a slightly bigger variety of shops. There was a lovely shop with cups, plates, chopsticks, and so on that I liked the style of and I ended up finding a cute tiny cup to buy.

We walked all the way down this new shopping street and then debated what to do next. I knew that Ueno Park was somewhere around the same area but wasn’t sure how far away it was. After looking it up I could see that it was the next neighborhood over - a fair walk, but more direct than going all the way back to the station to then take the train over. We decided to just go for it and walk.

This turned out to be both the best and worst decision of the day. Best, because even one or two blocks into our journey we were already away from the crowds and tourists and into what I like to think of as “real” Japan - actual normal side streets with houses and small businesses and school kids and cyclists and people going about their everyday lives. Walking along these kinds of places is my absolute favorite thing about visiting a country as you really feel what it might be like to live there. It was a delight, in that sense! And worst, because it really was a decently long walk and we had both decided to wear sandals for the day - tried and true ones, but ones we hadn’t worn since last summer - so by the time we were close to Ueno our feet were killing us.

As we reached Ueno station we had to try to figure out how to get to the other side to reach the park. G spotted a number of people going in to a certain entrance and that turned out to be a way in to the station. After another long walk inside we came out and found that we still weren’t quite where we needed to be. Gianna to the rescue again - she spotted an escalator up to a bridge that crossed over to the park. This turned out to be an entrance into Ueno Station also (called Panda Bridge) and we spent a moment resting there before continuing across to the park. There, we dragged our tired feet to a bench at the close side of the park (having been there before I can assure you that it is a MASSIVE area, but we did not have the energy to go beyond the one side). We actually sat here for quite a while just enjoying the scenery, people- and animal-watching, and alternately chatting or listening to the birds and other animals. The breeze was nice but a little too cold for my taste (G loved it), but we still sat relatively comfortably for about an hour.

Finally we summoned our energy and headed back to the station via our friend Panda Bridge. We considered dinner at the station but after assessing the choices opted to return to our hotel and simply buy ramen from the convenience store to make in our room. All in all we were quite pleased with our first full day’s adventure in Tokyo!

[riting]

Miwa Matreyek in conversation with Susan Simpson

In advance of the LAX Festival we asked twelve artists to profile the twelve pieces in the festival. Susan’s piece, A Machine for Living, opens on October 19th, 2018, at Automata in the Los Angeles Exchange [LAX] Festival and runs till October 21st. Details can be found here.

Can you give me a brief synopsis/blurb for someone who hasn’t seen the show yet?

A Machine for Living is a sci-fi thriller. Its live cinema performed with puppets and handmade special effects. The story is of a Southern California artist who after absorbing errant extraterrestrial DNA slowly evolves into highly advanced alien other. As she receives revelations from her distant planet her body transforms. She finds herself capable a supernatural botanical reproduction that could transform the human race. When her secret is discovered, she is pursued as a biological terrorist and must decide her next steps.

Two things are happening to Constance Jones, the main character, during the play, her alien consciousness is compelling her to make volumes and volumes of art which seem to be diagrams pertaining to her home planet while her body is mutating: sprouting, flowering, pollinating, producing seeds and viable seedlings which she is tending. She knows she has the means to spread her alien DNA. She meets a young girl with the same alien characteristics, so she realizes whatever she does she does not just for herself but for other aliens like her.

What is the original inspiration and conception/desire to make this piece?

Probably one of the earliest inspirations for the piece is the artwork of Hilma af Klint a very early twentieth century painter who made really stunning abstract and somewhat diagrammatic paintings. She was a spiritualist and said that her work was all images channeled from "The Master".  I saw images from a show at The New Museum a couple years ago and was really blown away. Coincidentally there is a retrospective of her work opening at the Guggenheim this week.

I was also inspired by the jazz musician Sun Ra, who claimed to be an alien from Saturn sent to earth to teach peace. Agnes Martin was also an influence. The retrospective of her work at LACMA had me thinking about the transcendent reality she accessed through her very obsessive and exacting  art making process.

I started thinking about making a show about art making as a spiritual practice, opening up one's consciousness to other realities or realms. Somehow the idea of channeling God, or universal truth, or spirits didn't seem appealing me but the idea of channeling an alien consciousness resonated with me the most.

On an entirely different strand I have been really interested in recent studies of plant communication. (For example trees communicating through underground fungal webs.) I am interested in the idea of all of the communication going on around us in the natural world that we have difficulty perceiving.

So, naturally I wove these things together into a story of art making, altered states of consciousness, and alien reproduction and communication through botanical means.

What were some of the original or strongest mental images you envisioned when you were conceiving of this piece?

I have always been interested in the botanical world and the flamboyant sexuality of plants. Images of alien looking plants appear pretty often in my work. I like to imagine plant human hybrids as a way to screw with notions of what is "natural" in regards to sexuality and gender. I thought of the Constance character as gender-fluid not in the usual human terms we are familiar with, but in a more fantastical botanical sense.

So in this vein, I was thinking of what plant like self pollination would look like and the earliest image I had in mind was the image of a seeds coming out of a stomach, like seeds from a lotus pod.  I wanted to create an image that would create an intense sensory experience for viewers. I have a bit of trypophobia (fear of things with lots of little holes) so images of things growing out of lots of little holes in a body is about as intense as it gets for me. So the first thing I built for the show was a special effect device that creates the image of the seeds popping out of a stomach . It was a challenge to carve something out of wood that could cause a strong visceral reaction in people but I think it worked.

What are ways you personally resonate with this story or characters?

The main character has an alien consciousness and lives in between worlds. I think being an introverted, queer, puppet artist I happily identify with character of the alien outsider. So much of mainstream norms of gender, sexuality and aesthetics can seem a bit foreign to me so I do feel alien, at times, in my own culture. Of course the alien as the symbol of outsider resonates for a lot of people. I guess Constance Jones is kind of my Ziggy Stardust.

Also in terms of my own artistic practice I suppose I aspire to Constance's experience of tapping into something both deeply internal and beyond the known world.

What do you think puppetry can lend to storytelling that other forms (film, theater with live actors) can’t? How about for this particular show?

I think it lends poignancy to the characters. The audience can see the struggle to keep them alive and it makes the characters appear more vulnerable and fragile. Puppetry telegraphs a lot about the construction identity and the struggle to maintain it. There is something in there about the loving acknowledgement of fakeness as a form authenticity.

Also the artifice foregrounds the construction of narrative so the story itself seems fragile and provisional, which I like because it causes you to question it more. I don't want to make something that washes over you. I want to make work that leaves the audience in a state of uncertainty.

Why did you choose to tell a lot of the story through live-cam and projection? And what are ways that performative and cinematic languages and tropes play a role in the piece? I’m curious about cinematic composition choices vs. choices of how puppets and sets are built.

I really wanted to tell a traditional sci-fi narrative and felt like that is really best done through cinematic language not straight theater. I wanted to make weird anatomical special effects, alien landscapes, and depict hallucinatory art making. These things are hard to achieve in satisfying ways live on stage but really fun to play and I think effective in miniature in front of the camera.

I built the sets and the puppets first with shot composition in mind. After that I thought about how to arrange them on stage so that people can see them.

We are cutting between different camera angles from close-ups to long shots, etc. The idea that Ting Zhang and I had was that the audience is seeing a movie and the making of the movie at the same time. This is different (in our minds) than if audience is watching a puppet show and documentation of it at the same time.

Puppets perform, but they cannot speak. What were you considering for your choice to use pre-recorded dialogue to narrate the story?

I like the idea of a late night radio dramas. I was particularly influenced by the late Los Angeles radio artist, Joe Frank and his radio stories, many of which unfold entirely through phone calls. I love how all his stories seemed to live in the ether rather than being grounded in any physical reality.

So this is how Jesse Mandapat, the sound designer, and I approached A Machine for Living. All the voices are heard through phone calls or answering machine messages so it seemed appropriate to have them as recorded rather than live voices. The way Jesse treated the voices I think they seemed really unmoored in space and time which is something that really worked for this piece.

You have been working in this form for a long time. What are some ways that your thinking and approaches have changed through the time that you’ve been working?

I think that there is a lot of puppetry that has evolved from something nostalgic into something that is at home in the contemporary art world.

How is puppetry relevant now? Any interesting ways you see the puppetry world changing and evolving?

I am not sure if puppetry is any more relevant now than any other time. It does still seem to resonate with people on an emotional level. As our experience of the world is mediated more and more through digital means I think there is a craving for the tactile that puppetry fulfils.

I guess also we are at a time with virtual reality, really advanced prosthetics and highly intelligent machines that have people thinking about where the body ends and the object begins. What is life, what is non-life. Puppets allow us to explore some of these questions in a very disarming way.

Miwa Matreyek is an animator, performer and designer based in Los Angeles. She makes works that integrates projected animation with a live shadow silhouette, at the cross section of cinema and theater, often weaving narratives of creation and destruction, humans and nature.

Susan Simpson is a Los Angeles based, multidisciplinary artist and designer. Her practice includes installation, puppet theater, miniatures and animation. She makes performances and interactive public art works that engage viewers in intimate viewing. Her works often investigate the history, mythology and social dynamics of the sites where they are located.

photos by Susan Simpson and Molly Allis

[cityglows]

our jeju island trip passed by in a blur of green mountains and blue waters. coming fresh from two weeks in the busy seoul city, seeing the sprawling hills, farms, and meadows of jeju was not only refreshing - it was much needed. instead of using public transportation, we had our own bus for all three days, and I spent much of the bus time in the window seat, watching the island pass by. trees, flowers, and earth - words couldn’t explain how I felt at peace in these  precious three days away from the metropolitan world.

as we visited the various museums, gardens, and sites of jeju, I started noticing how intertwined all the manmade artifacts were with nature. even corporate offices like kakao were built right into the hills, with mellow brown bricks and wall-climbing ivies blending the buildings right in with the landscape. in this post, I’ll be reflecting on the three highlights of intertwined design I observed at jeju: the kim younggap photography museum, spirited bunjae garden, and kakao headquarters.

sunday, august 27th // kim younggap museum

kim younggap spent over half his life photographing the natural beauty of jeju island, starting in 1982 until he passed away in 2005. his overwhelming dedication to capturing the island’s wonders is evident in his beautiful landscape photography: one can hear the wind whistling through the trees and follow the clouds dancing across the sky at sunset just by looking at his work.

kim dedicated his life to capturing perfection. the gallery that houses his prints is as raw as his works. made from a renovated old elementary school, the walls are a calming cream color, accented only by piles of volcanic rocks, allowing his photos to truly shine. surrounding the gallery is a whimsical garden filled with small clay statues in pensive postures - some sitting and appearing to be contemplating life; others, like the one above (my favorite), meditating in their own little world.

today, photography is very much a digital art. with an abundance of cameras and smartphones in the market, it’s become easy for any person, young or old, to point and shoot. my parents used to go to our local drugstore to print out boxes and boxes of film, but today they just share their photos on wechat, a social network and messaging application. last year, I bought a polaroid camera to physically save some of my most treasured memories, but most of the time I reach for my phone. it’s easier than ever to capture, upload, delete, and repeat, resulting a cycle that emphasizes the temporary rather than permanent.

seeing kim younggap’s photos, unfiltered and untouched, were a stunning yet humble reminder of the tangible beauty of our world, and the importance of archiving our memories. one could say that his photos live where they were taken, coexisting with the nature within and around.

monday, august 28th // spirited bunjae garden

bunjae (분재) is the korean word for the bonsai tree. I don’t know what I was expecting of this garden, but I know that I left feeling more inspired, pensieve, and at peace than ever. this garden was truly the most beautiful one I have ever been to; there is so much more to it than just the trees. throughout the path, there are various panels with information not only about the history and care of bunjae trees, but also tidbits of life lessons and food for thought.

walking through this garden, I felt strongly that us humans and trees have so much in common. one of my favorite panels had these instructions on how to appreciate bunjae:

The type of tree and age are important, but what determines a true masterpiece is the overall posture and beauty in its entirety.

and another:

Do not offer thoughtless criticism: even the same person can have different views depending on the state of mind.

reading this reminded me of our temple stay, where our sinim gently reminded us that we are not better or worse than each other; just different. bunjae come in many forms, each of which reflect the personality of the gardener: some are short and stout, some blossom with fruit, some have small leaves, others have large trunks. there is no bunjae that is more beautiful than the other, all exist within the same earth and grow in their own way.

one of the panels had a collection of five thoughts about the spirited garden, taken from famous authors, activitists, and pioneers.

Trees have divine nature. Potted plants and gardens are elegant convergence cultural art of the mankind. - Baekbeom / Kim Gu, independence fighter, writer, and politician

bunjae lie at the heart of intertwined design between nature’s gift and mankind’s culture. most importantly, this garden reinforced my belief that we cannot continue to destroy and force nature away as if we were the superiors; we were born from nature, and all that we have were given from it. just like bunjae illustrate an intertwined, convergent design, we need to create in harmony with nature.

tuesday, august 29th // kakao headquarters

kakao has two offices, one in pangyo, the silicon valley of south korea; the other, housing the headquarters, is here in jeju island. the presentation content we received at jeju was very similar to that of pangyo, so I want to focus on the architecture of the office instead, which could not be more different than its city counterpart.

when we first arrived at kakao headquarters, I didn’t even know that, well, we had arrived. while the pangyo office was at the top of a skyscraper (among all the other skyscrapers), the jeju office was a modest, brown brick building, its curved lines and natural surroundings a stark contrast to the symmetrical glass structures of pangyo. we would later learn that there are two kakao buildings in jeju actually; space.one (where we toured), and space.two (which we were not allowed to visit - that’s where the top secret work gets done!)

pangyo’s office actually won the highest korean architectural award when it was built, and it’s easy to see why. these are a few highlights:

the arched ceiling mimics the mountains behind (it reminds me of a modern palace!). actually, there was so much soil left over from the construction that there is a manmade hill behind the office looking like it came straight from a windows vista wallpaper.

spaces are very open: large stairs leading outside, a community garden, and high ceilings all create a very free, sprawling environment that mimics the outdoors, which has no walls.

there is a dol hareubang statue at the front using a computer, called hareubang that uses the internet. this was the perfect example of intertwined design, where traditional meets modern age.

a towering inflatable ryan (pictured) oversees the building - he even lights up at night! sitting in a bed of ivy, this lion looks a lot more at home than amongst the white and gray walls of pangyo’s interior.

in fact, the architecture of kakao headquarters deliberately reflects why the office is located in jeju island in the first place. this was an idea started by the daum ceo prior to the merge, that work should be in an area that’s both relaxing and productive. a business as successful and modern as kakao can be equally humble against the landscape of jeju island, and its architectural design seamlessly reflects the intertwining of technology and nature.

if you’ve made it so far - thank you for reading this incredibly long post, and I hope you took away some insights about the coexistence of mankind and nature on jeju island.